Smoking up and skipping school had a lot of you in trouble constantly but now weed is legal and schools are closed. Damn kids are living the dream! This thing is dragging on and on. I still haven’t stooped to doing a puzzle, I don’t know about you.  Intermediate sniper Brock Hotrum tried to make his own hand sanitizer but it came out as a rum and coke, what are the odds….

What on earth is going on? While the Covid19 cases are rising more than a Chris Barratto low blocker-side wrister, some SCOHA heroes have been spotted keeping their skills sharp overseas in Sweden. They are all waiting for the green light to finish off our season but we are all still waiting for the lights to get turned on at the quad pad. Every store there is like an Ikea. The national tool is an allan key. Swedish meatballs are just called meatballs. No one has a clue who the Swedish Chef is…  I can go on….. Some rumours swirling around the water cooler this week had our season continuing in late-July at a neutral arena in South Florida so get your swimming trunks ready and make sure your will is updated.  

Well the Easter Bunny in now in quarantine. Too many people got too close to him over the weekend, thanks alot, folks.   Apparently many SCOHA players are growing facial hair and baking their own bread during these troubling times. Masters Chris Baratto is going to win the ZZ Top karaoke trophy when this thing is over with his already out of control beard is now a tripping hazard. He has also started doing puzzles to pass the time but his cat keeps pawing the side pieces onto the floor.

A lot of us have had enough. I don’t care about bunnies eating apples on Youtube or some idiot tiger salesman on Netflix, I want my hockey back!

While the long list of optimists is depleting by the day, this slugger is remaining positive we will finish our season at some point even if we do it with no fans in the arena. Tempers are running pretty thin around town. Stars Dale Brons got chased by some wild geese down at Confederation Park after he fed them some stale croutons. He ended up rolling an ankle, fell to the paved path, and several geese smothered him like flies on a rib roast. Doctors are pretty sure he will recover by the time hockey starts again.

Well it's SCOHA Sunday and the rain has stopped. Half of us are still in our pj's still from Friday night and we have watched all of Netflix. I started watching some Ozark show, I thought that was the name of the Buffalo Sabres backup goalie. Highlight of the weekend was listening for the tune my dryer makes when the load is dry.

There has been an uptick of Scoha players arguing amongst themselves and starting tense conversations lately. We urge those in question to find better ways to accommodate their time. Arts & Crafts, puzzles, and chasing your cat around with laser pointers are just a few ways to pass time.

Speaking of flattening the plank, Intermediate Flyers captain Dave Wichman took to social media this afternoon to scold his teammates for eating doughnuts. This non-essential snack seemed to get under Wichman’s skin as he tries to keep his club ready for the continuation of the Scoha playoffs, if there is one. Apparently the States will be 100% up and running by Easter weekend so the world will be perfect again. Speaking of perfect again, our cub reporter Guy Shaver, who has been camped out at the arena since this whole Corona thing started, has asked to go home. I just left the rink and Guy just finished packing up his Coleman stove and is heading home. He said he was looking forward to drawing a bath then relaxing for a few days. He said a bat scared him last night. He stood on his folding chair and tried to shoo it away with his 6ft. hockey stick he used for social distancing. We thank Guy for braving the elements on behalf of the league. One hell of a Guy.

At any rate, SCOHA is still tucked away until further notice. Masters Sharks goalie Brian Deanes is keeping his eye/hand coordination in check by catching flies with a pair of chopsticks. I am literally holding a paper towel on my ear to stop the bleeding as I got too close with my razor while I type with my right hand.

As you know, the tournament is canceled. Rumour has it, one of the U.S. teams were stacked with ex-nhl-ers like Pat LaFontaine, Mike Modano, Brett Hull and goaltender Mike Richter so no other team stood a chance anyway, so there!

Well this update is short and sweet, to the point. Have a great rest of the week, gang…

Chris Marttila

Now that 10% of us have hit rock bottom and have started doing puzzles, it’s time for an update on what we believe many of you are up to as we crawl through this pandemic salivating for the smell of Zamboni fumes and Joe Lociccero’s Rub A535 knee ointment. Oh, and don’t worry, we will have a Guy Shaver update…

League is at more of a standstill than a concrete fence post. The whole shebang is chained up as there is no light at the end of the tunnel any time soon. Players are growing beards just because. Masters division grit-grinder Ed Walton is going to grow a covid beard starting next week. He will give the ZZ Top beards a run for their money… Stars Chris Barratto is learning quilting after the magnets wore out on his electronic dart board.

Well we all have hope the season will finish but from this end of the ice, it doesn’t look good. More cases than Budweiser has ever seen, people travelling here while infected with the coronies, who know’s what will happen next. My cat Nuffers sneezed the other night, we put her in quarantine for 8 minutes, good luck trying to get a mask on her. Anyways, trying to predict when we will play again is like trying to row a kayak in a hurricane.

For the many fans that showed up to watch the Junior Division games Friday night, you left the rink wondering if there will be any more hockey for a while. Sure enough, the city pulled the plug on our playoffs by shutting arenas and all other rec centres. Now we have to binge-watch 8 seasons of whatever the hell it’s called until the arena lights go on again. Never mind asking if your buddy left the fan on, we all need to make sure the hands are washed so we don’t spread the coronies off to another person. Anyways, let’s look at Friday’s action on a night where all teams skated their legs into the ground. On Saturday morning, here wasn’t a thigh without rub a535 on it from what I’ve been hearing. Oh, and my game sheets are in lockdown in the locker at the rink so bear with me for this blog…

In the wake of Coronavirus (COVID-19) , the Mohawk 4 Ice Centre, along with all City of Hamilton Facilities, will be closed until further notice effective March 15th, 2020.

Hello Executive Members , Team Captains and SCOHA members:

As President, I wanted to reach out to each of you at this troubling and uncertain time that we are all facing together.  I am sure each of us have been watching and listening to the news intently every day and raising our anxiety levels and beyond. 

As this is the end of March, we need to act responsibly and listen to what the health professionals advise us all to do so that we can get past this pandemic.  Right at the moment, I do not want to do any knee jerk reactions regarding the 2020 playoffs.  Right now it is a wait and see for not just for SCOHA but for everyone.  Trust me I am very concerned.

We have talked about a few scenarios to finish the playoffs. When the Quad reopen even in June or July. (hope not this long)

One plan is Junior play Semi final one Friday then Championship the next Friday. Int. and masters play final 1st round game on a Friday, semi final on Saturday and Championship on the Sunday. (finish the playoffs in one weekend)

This is just one suggestion, When we get the all clear to resume play , all team captains will be asked for their input.

Please practice social distancing to the fullest degree.  Please stay safe and healthy.  I hope to be able to see everyone in the near future.  We will get through this together.

Terry