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This Week in SCOHA - May 15th, 2023

The Cleaning Out Of The Lockers Delayed Edition

Well it was quite the delayed locker room cleanout day along with the dreaded last day with the annoying media for the Master’s Stars. Rumours of trades and firings filled the air as the press conference began. GM Chris Baratto was first on the mic and he accepted all responsibility for the 3-2 loss to the Flames in the final. “When all is said and done, it’s on me. I will take a few days with my family to decide if I come back to represent the Stars. I won’t manage another team, if it’s not the Stars, I will take a bit of time off.”

Peter Fantauzzo wants a new contract done sooner than later. Management wants this sorted out before the draft so Baratto knows how much money to spend.

Local newspapers began deep-frying Baratto for changing lines halfway through the playoffs, something that threw everyone off, including the players and fans.

Plenty of players are rumoured to be traded in the off-season as they look to revamp their team. Unfortunately there are a core 4 who are using up a lot of the money. Goaltender Scott Johnson will be looking at north of 5 million next season or he will seek out more money elsewhere. Same is true for Rob DiGiovanni who is looking for a 3 or 4 year contract extension or he will fly the coop as well.

Munish Baranowski will be training with ex-Leaf Gary Roberts all summer. Roberts runs a hockey training camp that gets players to the top of their game in one summer.

Absent from the final media scrum were Ed Venema, Frank Bortolin and Paul Shorer, who didn’t waste any time. They are on a nice vacation in Burmuda avoiding the reporters.

When the lights finally went out and the lockers were cleaned out, the season officially came to an abrupt end for the Stars. Scouting for the upcoming draft has already begun as Andrew Clayton and Dean McLaren grabbed a flight to Austria to scope out some future Masters 54 year olds.

Enjoy the summer, fellas.

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blogologist

This Week in SCOHA - April 4th, 2023

The Raise The Cup Edition

If the popcorn wasn’t so damn stale at the snack bar, this would’ve been the best Sunday of the season. Two great games and a packed bar afterwards made everyone happy. The puzzle-piece team of the year, United Sharks barely held off a determined Flyer club 2-1 while on the Master’s side, the Flames burnt out the Stars 3-2 in what was the most attended game of the season. Flames even brought in the fans decked out in Flames jerseys. What a fanbase!

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This Week in SCOHA - March 27th, 2023

The Semi-Finals Edition

For starters, has anyone ever played in a dodgeball league? Do you drive all the way there, game starts, you get hit in the arm then you drive back home? I don’t get it. Anyways, I missed last night’s action a cough that is making me feel like I swallowed a wool sweater but I am hearing that all 4 games were more exciting than a springtime bulb show down at Gage Park. Master’s Stars captain Chris Barratto didn’t throw his clipboard across the ice and rallied his team to an impressive 4-3 win over the Flyers. This team is hotter than a jar of Chinese chili oil. We will dive into that game momentarily but let’s start with United Division action.  

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This Week in SCOHA - March 11th, 2023

The What A Load Edition

Sitting Players For Load Management Sinks Oilers In Playoffs

United Oilers captain Jason Hoffman fessed up to reporters on Friday that he now wishes he didn't let players sit for load management ahead of the playoffs. The Oilers are mathematically eliminated from semi-final action after two losses and will play for pride next Sunday versus the Canadiens.

"The regular season is rather lengthy and takes its toll on some of our veterans. We thought a few games off would help heal the bumps and bruises but obviously we were wrong about that."

Most of Hoffman's roster are free agents at season's end but he hopes to begin contract talks as soon as the season wraps up. "Yes, we will be starting to negotiate with pending free agents the second the buzzer goes off next Sunday night."

Off-season exercise regiments are also priority for the Oilers and most players are on board with that. Star defenceman Justin Whitwell feels like climbing the escarpment backwards is a little extreme but will do his best.

Oilers face the Canadiens next Sunday and will be signing autographs after the game for their young fans outside by the team bus before it drives away into the sunset for the final time this year.

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blogologist


This Week in SCOHA - March 6th, 2023

The Gut Check Edition

Spoke to Masters Redwings veteran Larry Sipos in the parking lot before the game where he fielded questions from reporters, Larry nailed 6 classic hockey cliches when asked about his upcoming game against the Stars.

“We just have to take it one shift at a time”

“When you put the puck at the net, good things happen”

“More traffic in front of the net”

“You gotta give it 110%”

“You need to play a full 60 minutes or however long our games are”

“Do or Die game”

Turns out his Redwings took care of all the above and beat up the Stars 4-1 to stay in the mix toward a birth into the semi-finals.

The standing are tighter than a camel’s arse in a sandstorm as only one game remains before the final 4 seedings are announced. United Division final 4 are pretty well decided but several teams are still playing for pride when play resumes March 19th.

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This Week in SCOHA – February 21st, 2023

The Playoffs are Here Edition

Well folks, this is an abbreviated version as I sit in Sunwing gate 524 waiting to fly to Cuba.

United Division:

Last week of regular season. Things get real this upcoming weekend. Watch out for the Sharks and Canadiens who are rolling into the 2nd season full steam ahead.

Masters Division:

The Pepto Bismol Upset of the Season as the Sharks hosed down the Flames 4-3. This Sharks squad are determined to put a struggling regular season behind them. Great game to watch!

The Stars edged the Penguins 4-2. Redwings and Blackhawks tied 1-1. Flyers folded up the Bruins like an origami grasshopper 5-1.

Anyways, good luck next weekend as both divisions aee now in full playoff mode. Chch news is calling for the storm of the century on Thursday so stay safe.

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blogologist

This Week in SCOHA – February 7th, 2023

The Pucks In Deep Edition

Well that’s a wrap on the Masters 2022-23 regular season. The Flames folded up all opponents like a used picnic blanket and are poised to lift the championship trophy in a matter of weeks. United Division still has some sorting out to do as far as seedings go but that will all come to fruition this weekend.


Let’s scrape the ice off the window and see what happened last weekend in Scohaville. No more Friday games this year so you will have to spend it at home watching old Alf re-runs or if you are lucky, some Hallmark “oh no how are we going to raise enough money to keep the bookstore open” movies.


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This Week in SCOHA – January 31st, 2023

The Playoffs Are Coming Edition

January was a tough year but we made it through it! I swear, if this was May or June, it would’ve ended weeks ago… At any rate, Master’s has one game left til playoffs and United has 2. There are still some teams jostling for better positions so this weekend’s games have some drastic meaning. We’ve got quite the scoring race going right down to the wire in the Masters Division. Dave Armstrong leads with 59 points, 13 ahead of Larry Litzgus but the Larrinator is up by 3 goals on Dave. We will see what happens Sunday! United Division sees Oilers’ John Carvalho leading the pack with 35 points, 3 up on hawks Marc Bellehumeur and 4 on Oilers’ Justin Whitwell. Should be an interesting race to the finish. We will keep you posted. All these guys can pile up the points, they’ve had a great season! The rest of us yield to their offensive expertise….


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