Go ahead, have seconds at the bbq, we still have plenty of time before off-season regiments are handed out by team captain’s. With about a month before the big SCOHA Draft, several players are contacting their agents to see how much wiggle room their teams have to re-sign them or opt for free agency. Some players had great turnaround seasons last year and will be demanding bigtime cash while other’s stats sagged a bit.

May 25, 2019 Jim Mercanti Memorial Golf Tournament

On the eve of the 2019 Jim Mercanti Memorial Golf Tournament, players and organizers had their eyes on the CHCH weather forecast while dusting and shining up their weapons of grass destruction. Tournament morning saw clear skies as the weather gods were on our side but couldn’t promise anything later on.

Last time I used my 4 iron it was to kill a huge spider in my basement and even that took me 7 strokes...

These playoffs are blowing everyone's hair back. Unfortunately some more than others. Semi final weekend had tv ratings skyrocket while popcorn and soda were in very high demand at the arena. Shout out to Mary, the waitress upstairs, who is back from maternity leave! Let's unzip this past weekends action.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

Bruins 2 Redwings 1 (shootout): Does anyone have a vhs copy of this game for my collection? The shootout had more rounds than a Friday night at the Day Night Tavern for crying out loud. When the dust settled, Bruins Geoff Chowen scored to advance his team to the cup finals. Slicker than spray butter on a hardwood floor. What a game for the ages.

Penguins 3 Oilers 2: Ross Lacasse scored the game winner with 35 ticks left to lift the Pens into the finals. These teams couldn't be any more even than a pair of lime green socks. Great season, Oilers!

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

Flyers 5 Blackhawks 2: This game saw more up and down action that a Taco Bell toilet seat. In the end, the Flyers newly adapted ferocious attack on the puck had Hawk players frustrated. Flyers defense was tighter than a hen's arse all game, and Tymen made all the right saves. Steve "magic sleeves" Kivell with a hatty while Jay "oven mitts" Hoffman dropped a deuce for the winners. Special thanks to Jamison for the post game samples...

Leafs 5 Bruins 2: Bob Tenison stepped on the Bruins heads in the shallow end. 3 goals to blow by the Bruins 5-2 and skate right into the finals. The Bruins played a good game, never rolled over, just ran into a hot goaltender in Bill "don't call me a temp" Templeman. Bruins have some cap space issues heading into this summer but captain Wayne Sliwinski says he has already started preparing for draft day.

MASTERS DIVISION:

Stars 3 Blackhawks 2: This one was crazier than the time Ozzy ate a damn pigeon. 2 powerplays in overtime had all 8 fans jumping up and down like their frisbee was stuck in a tree. In the end, Stars Kelly "bigtime celly"  Rintjema was the ot hero with 30 seconds left in the extra frame. Both goalies played like it was game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals, dialed in like the big yellow bag of dirt guy that keeps calling my damn house.

Flames 4 Sharks 2: The Flames threw a stink bomb on the Sharks season with a 4-2 win. Stan "the man" Breznicar with 2 snipes led the way for the red hot Flames who will move on to face the Stars for the cup.

This slugger has a work trip to attend so i will unfortunately miss championship weekend. Good luck to those playing in the finals and i hope everyone has a great summer. Its been a fun season chirping you all on here!

Chris Marttila

Another high-flying weekend of playoff hockey that saw some teams polish the apple for a much needed 2 points while others have a few bumps in the walkway. At any rate, let’s go over the week that was.

JUNIOR DIVISION (March 8th)

BRUINS 2 FLYERS 0: Roman Bratovz put on a goaltending clinic, stopping 53 shots en route to a 2-0 whitewash of the arch-rival Flyers. This game was crazier than St.Paddy’s Week in Liverpool that saw 16 minutes in penalties doled out by the refs. Geoff “I am outta here” Chowen along with Sean Riley tallied the goals for the Bruins.

PENGUINS 5 BLACKHAWKS 4: a 9-goal barn burner saw the Penguins slip by the Hawks 5-4 in front of a jam-packed arena. Mike Haslam was the games 1st star with 2 goals and an assist to lead the way. For the Hawks, Nick Troback notched a pair in a losing cause. Haslam has a ton of skill for a potent Penguins team, dirty with the puck, like I mean Holiday Inn hot tub dirty... always finds the game sheet.

OILERS 4 REDWINGS 2: Oilers Jay Dimitroff can shoot the puck, guys. I heard he fired slappers downstairs for 10 hours at the water heater to try and flood the basement... Another 2 goals to spearhead the Oilers over the Wings 4-2. Ryan Aikens had the 2 lone goals for the Redwings...

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

BRUINS 4 LEAFS 2: Just your average garden variety hard working playoff game for the Bruins who are peaking at the right time. This time they knocked off the Leafs 4-2, who were brimming with confidence behind their star goalie Bill Templeman and power forward Bob Tenison. Captain Wayne Sliwinski scored a goal and added an apple to cement the victory for the Bruins.

FLYERS 2 BLACKHAWKS 1: Fans waited outside for the Flyer players to emerge so they could get some autographs and photos. Flyers hung on for the big 2-1 victory to enter the hunt for the cup. Flyers “protector of the painted plumbing” Tymen Edelkoort played an amazing game in net. More blocks than a New York street map as the Flyers held off a ferocious attack by the Hawks toward the end of the game. When the final horn sounded, Flyers escaped unscathed and will face the Penguins this weekend. Chris Marttila "The Hun" and Jason “Playboy” Hoffman tallied for the winners.

PENGUINS 7 CANADIENS 6: This game had a bit of everything. Parades to the penalty box and a boatload of goals as the Penguins outlasted the Canadiens 7-6. Troy “Get in the Car” Izlakar was the hero for the Pens, scoring a hatty for the home side. Canadiens were missing Rob Baker, who was at the Butter Tart Festival as a guest judge.

MASTERS DIVISION:

STARS 1 FLAMES 1: Your typical defensive playoff game that would make Larry Robinson wet his jeans. Both goalies deserve the game puck so cut the damn thing in half. Stars Larry Litzgus could score with a pair of 1938 buckle-up skates if he had to. He scored the Stars goal while Rob Frith responded for the Flames. Great game as no fan went home disappointed.

REDWINGS 4 KINGS 1: What’s up with the Kings? Spent more time in the box than Tommy Lee on a Friday night. 5 minors spelled defeat as they need to tighten things up before it’s too late. Wings Vince Mercuri was again out of this world, scoring 2 doozies for the winners. Terry Gudgeon was a tower on the blueline. Kings needed an Uber to get around this guy. Scott Johnson made several tantalizing saves in the Wings crease, turning away more shots than an AA meeting.

BRUINS 5 FLYERS 1: Bruins are back on track, folks. 5-1 win over the Flyers. When the snow finally melted, Bernard “Beef” Boulianne and Gary Guthro each scored 2 for the winning side. Carlo Deluca had the lone snipe for the Flyers who were missing 5 players in a pivotal game.

SHARS 2 BLACKHAWKS 2 What a game! Nationally televised on TvOntario, this one saw both teams wear out the ice from start to finish. Fans chanted “5 more minutes... 5 more minutes” wanting more action but sorry fans, no extra time for these guys. Great matchup.

Well that’s the action from the past few weeks. Play resumes this weekend with some teams needing a big win to move on while others will be shaking teammates hands until next fall. Underdogs are proving anything can happen when playoffs come while favourites are finding it tough to finish games off. Good luck this weekend, fellas!

Chris Marttila

My hip is still sore from falling off the edge of my sofa. Tore through 2 bags of popcorn watching some crazy playoff hockey over the weekend. Pretty close games, no one got their lunches eaten which makes for more fans and tv ratings. Let’s get right to it....

JUNIOR DIVISION:

REDWINGS 3 PENGUINS 2: Ryan “A5-35” Aikens drank 2 Jolt Cola’s and a Red Bull. We had to call Binbrook Fire to cool him off after the game. He even scored a shorty (not what my wife said). Redwings surprise the Penguins 3-2. Wings goalie Lane Dunlop (no relation to Charlestown Chiefs player/coach Reggie Dunlop) saved everything. Hell, this guy could’ve saved my parents marriage for crying out loud... ok maybe not but he would sure try. Close game that had everyone in the stands on their feet for the most part.

FLYERS 2 BLACKHAWKS 2: 8 more minutes of these teams going back and forth would’ve made for some great tv. Both goalies stood on their ears if that’s even possible. Flyers Walt Blagdon brought his usual bag of snakes, scoring a goal and helping out on another. This guy must eat kale and spinach while tying up his twirlers before the game. Hawks Nick Troback forgot to slip the refs a 5-spot before the game, sat in the sin bin twice.

OILERS 6 BRUINS 3: Serving 5 minors and still winning a game is as rare as oyster mushrooms. That’s what the Oil did on this night. Jay “Big Play” Dimitroff dropped a deuce for the winners as they snuck by the Bruins 6-5. More back and forth’s than a ping pong game or a table tennis game, same thing...

Both teams spread the scoring around like a basement party at Cheech & Chong's place. We love the high scoring games but the coaches don’t.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

BRUINS 2 PENGUINS 1: Bruins Glenn Rouse scored the game winner, took home the game puck and is proudly displaying it on the mantle. Bruins squeaked one out 2-1 in a pretty intense playoff game for the ages. Bruins’ goalkeeper James Fielding calls his goal crease the Field of Dreams. He turned the Penguins shooters into a cellphone and pocket dialed the cop shop for robbery to preserve the victory.

BLACKHAWKS 4 CANADIENS 1: 2 power play goals and an empty netter, sounds like a good name for a band. Hawks goalie Steve Cuthbert is playing dirty. So dirty, not even Mens 3 in 1 Axe body wash could clean it up. Imagine thinking one type of body wash can do 3 different types of washing. You gotta be an impressive idiot to fall for that.  Anyways, Canadiens remained on the ice after the game as captain Mike Miscio had his team doing wind sprints until they threw up to show them how bad he wants to win the cup. Watch for a different Habs team next time out.

LEAFS 4 FLYERS 1. Bob Tenison and his grade A grass fed burger passes set up 2 goals as the leafs beat my Flyers 4-1. Bill Templeman and Tymen Edelkoort made 88 saves each but Leafs Alan “pickled” Heron found the twine twice for the winners. Game was closer than Ernie & Bert for the most part before the Leafs scored 3 in the final frame to preserve the W.

MASTERS DIVISION:

BLACKHAWKS 4 FLAMES 4: This game had potential to be a bit spicy. Announced attendance was 8. 8 different scorers found the sheet as hawks clawed back from a 3-1 deficit to tie the game. Flames Peter Fantazzo controlled the game. Carved up the ice like Tony Hawk’s skateboard in an empty pool. Both teams had the ice packs out after this one, great playoff intensity.

SHARKS 4 FLYERS 0: Sharks’ Mark Shadwell re-taped his twig before this one, went out there and scored 2 goals, added an assist, then drove the team bus home. Wily veteran goaltender Richard Paquet stopped all 36 shots for the bagel , ate the puck after the game to prove a point. Flyers didn’t allow reporters into the room afterwards as they had a players only meeting to get the ship turned around in a hurry. Expect a better outcome next time, I predict it right now.

REDWINGS 4 BRUINS 1: 4 different players scored for the Wings as they took off against the powerful Bruins 4-1. Scott Johnson turned away 32 shots for the win between the wickets for a hungry Wings team. Vince Mercuri continues his out of this world play, scoring another goal for the winners. Reporters overheard Scott Johnson’s ghetto blaster playing old Scorpions and Helix music before the game to get his team prepared. Big Win. Bruins will be playing some desperate hockey next time out to keep their season alive.

KINGS 4 STARS 2: Kings Joe”Thank you very “Muchynski was a man with a mission out there. This guy ate half a damn lasagna 2 hours before boarding the team bus. Windows were open the whole way to the rink. He made amends by scoring 2 big goals as the Kings shot down the Stars 4-2. Stars’ Chris Baratto was unavailable for comment after the game. He was upset with his pre-game submarine sandwich, they forgot the mustard and he asked for no onions. No one sat beside him on the bench, apparently he will be writing a letter to the sub shop.

Well that washes our hands of a crazy weekend of ice hockey at the ol’ quad pad. Junior playoffs continue Friday evening while the other 2 divisions have the weekend off. Time to heal some playoff wounds and get ready for the final push. Enjoy the rest of the week, Keep your damn stick on the ice, fellas.

Chris Marttila

Now that we are all sick and tired of shoveling, here’s the scoop on last week’s week in SCOHA which saw master’s Division lift the lid on their playoff season. Meanwhile, rivalries heated up in the Junior and Intermediate groups as they look forward to getting the 2nd season underway.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

BRUINS 6 BLACKHAWKS 6: Well the scorekeeper ran out of beads on her abacus after this one was all finished. 12 goals in a see-saw battle that ended up a 6-6 tie. Hawks’ Dennis Cybalski took home the game puck with 2 goals and 3 assists while on the other side of the ice, Justin “Eastgate” Mol scored 2 for the Bruins. Both team’s forward lines put the goalies on blast, shooting more discs than a plinko game. Hope both teams shore up the defensive play for the playoffs.

OILERS 3 FLYERS 1: This Oilers team has the train back on the track after a disasterous mid-season. I put these guys back as odds on favourites to win it all. Jay Dimitroff led the way with a goal and an apple for the winners while Ang Fidanza had the lone goal for the Flyers. Look out league, the Oilers are bringing the hammers out of the tool bag and are ready for the playoffs.

PENGUINS 6 REDWINGS 3: Pens’ Ross The Smash” Lacasse went top corn on 3 beauties to lead the Penguinos over the Redwings 6-3. Lacasse came to the rink with a black v-neck on ready to play one hell of a game, played like a bear with claws and fangs to lead his team. Not to be outdone, his teammate Dave “magic” Johnson tallied a goal and 5 assists. These 2 guys flew the team plane, took it off auto pilot and offered no nuts to the passengers.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

LEAFS 3 PENGUINS 0: As one executive said to me yesterday, this Bill Templeman in net for the Leafs is going to be a real good player in this league one day. I can sense these things.  Just kidding, Bill. This guy could sit on top of the net with a cold cut combo from Subway in one hand and a root beer in the other but still make the damn save. He stopped all the Penguins from sliding down the hill for the shutout.  Steve “Kilo” Watt had a great game as well, scoring 2 for the winners who finished the regular season in first place. They will face a hungry Flyers club who have been chugging Jolt colas before each game lately. Watch out for them....

FLYERS 4 CANADIENS 2: Brock “Hot Wheels” Hotrum scored another 2 for the Flyers. He scores at an alarming rate. Flyers goaltender Tymen Edelkoort stood on his ear lobes, making over 58 saves to preserve the win like grandma’s 36 jars of marmalade that no one eats. Great all-round effort by the Flyers who are rolling into the playoffs like Fonzie rides his bike into Arnold’s on a Saturday Night for a soda and a kiss.

BLACKHAWKS 5 BRUINS 2: The Walter Blagdon train pulled up to the station, collected another 3 points then closed all doors and left without saying goodbye. Hawks are the toughest team to play against. Their goalie covers all angles like a king size mattress in an elevator. Their forward lines exude confidence like never before. Bruins are reviewing some game film prior to playoffs as they look to defend their last years dramatics.

MASTERS DIVISION:

BLACKHAWKS 2 KINGS 0: Things went a bit pear-shaped for the league leading Kings on the first night of the playoffs, dropping a close 2-0 game to the Hawks. It was a penalty-filled game as the referees saw this game start to go downhill like a toboggan. 11 minors called in total, looked like I was watching Slapshot for the umpteenth time.

FLAMES 5 FLYERS 0: Another shutout as Flames’ Ed “Bark at the” Mooney got the bagel as the Flames burned the Flyers 5-0. Paul Opie and Jason Anderson each scored 2 for the winners who started the playoffs on the right foot. Flyers were missing a lot of key players. More scratches than a midnight forest jog. Hope they have a better turnout this week.

STARS 1 BRUINS 0: You would think a 1-0 score would have the intensity of a loaf of bread but no way. 1.9 million viewers stayed up to watch this one as both goalies saw more rubber than Pamela Anderson on a Monday afternoon. Stars’ Brian Deanes had the shutout as he out-dueled Joe LoCiccero for th big win. Larry “Light the Lamp” Litzgus scored the lone goal in this one then waited in the lobby to sign autographs for the kids. Left the cap off his sharpie and it leaked everywhere in his shirt pocket afterwards....

SHARKS 4 REDWINGS 2: Sharks’ Richard Paquet was feisty in his cage all night long as his team doubled up the Redwings 4-2. Mark Shadwell drained 2 for the winners while his team won despite having 4 minors called against them. More hooks than a bass tournament as 4 hooking minors were handed out.

So there is the week that was in SCOHA. Junior and Intermediate turn things up to 11 as the playoffs ramp up. Some players are back from a few games off for load management, all knees are feeling good, and we are ready for some pretty intense hockey. Have a great rest of the week fellas.

Chris Marttila

Lots of catching up to do as my work was busier than a one-legged ass kicker last week, apologies for not getting a blog up. This week we saw the Masters Division finish up regular season play. Standings in all divisions are tighter than security for a presidential motorcade. I also want to wish Intermediate Bruins’ Tim Pettit a speedy recovery from his injury sustained last week, get back out there soon, buddy! Also, Master’s player Richard Hamilton who broke his leg back in week 7 was spotted walking around in the press box last Sunday. Very good news, Richard! Last week Flames goalie Ed “Cow Jumped Over The” Mooney got a big time shutout and collected the player of the game toonie. 20 years ago that would’ve got you 40 gummy bears at the Becker’s store.. Ok, let’s tally up the damages from the past few days of action....

JUNIOR DIVISION:
OILERS 9 BRUINS 6: I had the over on my Proline ticket for this barn-burner. 9-6 Oilers was the final score as the fans went home happy regardless of the outcome. Oilers Jay Dimitroff had 2 red bulls and an espresso pre-game. He was jacked up for this one, even pulled the team bus across the city, scored a hatty along with 2 helpers then pulled the damn thing back afterwards. Talk about a smart hockey player, he could sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavour it is. Matt Kowalski has a game and a half too, scoring 2 goals and 3 assists for the winners. Bruins Kirk Blancher and Cory “Kids In The” Hall both scored twice for the B’s...

FLYERS 5 REDWINGS 1: Flyers goalie Chris Piche had the ol’ cookie jar sealed air tight on this night, making more key saves than a St.John’s paramedic. Behind Walter Blagdon’s 2 goals, the Flyers took advantage of a depleted Redwing lineup that saw 4 regulars awol.

BLACKHAWKS 5 PENGUINS 2: Did you know the Hawks have dressed 35 players so far this season? No wonder it’s impossible to get a good read on these guys! Ben Agnew lit the lamp twice and Mike Troback notch 3 points as the Hawks inked the Pens 5-2. Kevin Clark scored both goals in a losing cause...

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION: 
FLYERS 4 BLACKHAWKS 4: This game was televised nationally. Families had the cheese nips and kielbasa out for this dandy. Refs let the teams decide this one, more back and forth’s than typewriter. Hawks goalie Steve Cuthbert stood on his head from puck drop to the dry towels. Fit this guy for an orange suit, he is a crook for crying out loud. It was the Charlie Polizzi show again as the Hawk forward scored 2 while on the Flyers side, “Dieter” Brock Hotrum scored a pair for a Flyers team clawing their way into respectability in the standings.

LEAFS 4 CANADIENS 2: Leafs Bob Tenison is the league’s pilot. When the other team is waiting for their luggage, he tells them their suitcases accidentally went to Thailand. That’s how much he is owning things out there. Another 2 goals and an apple as the Leafs facepalmed the Habs 4-2. Canadiens’ Dave Braid must’ve got his arm bumped in the breakfast line as he sat in the box twice. Once out, he tallied a goal and an assist in a losing cause. Habs haven’t won since January 13th but face their arch rival Flyers this upcoming weekend. Should be a dandy! Some tickets available, bring the kids...

PENGUINS 6 BRUINS 3: Bruins had 8 players missing, the rest of the guys crammed into a yellow Auston Mini and headed to the rink. Penguins were ready for this one, handing the B’s a 6-3 loss despite a valiant effort. Dino Giudice scored his 1st of the season for the Bruins so that gives him a contract bonus of $8.00. For the Penguins, both Jeff Bastien and Steve Paglie also scored their 1st of the campaign for the winners. Congrats guys, great game! Another 3 points for Dave Armstrong who makes other teams walk back to the dressing room looking like they just shoveled a bunch of driveways.

MASTERS DIVISION: 
REDWINGS 3 FLAMES 3: Stick tap to Flames Larry Sipos who buried his 1st of the season and stuck around to sign autographs after the game until midnight. Redwings Vince Mercuri continues to play out of this world, scoring his 16th of the season. Redwings’ goalie Scott “Magic” Johnson walked into the rink with a black v-neck. He wasn’t leaving the damn arena without at least a point. This team is a movie, had a mid-season slump then one closed-door meeting brought everything back together. Attendance is up and these guys are just going out there to have fun.

SHARKS 7 FLYERS 3: And here’s to you, Kevin Robinson.... 2 sweet goals to help the Sharks tank the Flyers 7-3. Sharks newcomer Lee Paule (not the guitar guy) is fitting in well. He chipped in with 2 assists for the winners. Three cheers for Ramblin’ Ronny Cooper who fired home his 1st of the season. What a snipe! Flyers sub John Hewitt scored 2 and added an apple in a losing cause.

BRUINS 5 STARS 1: Dale Brons pours sugar in his skates to go faster and it damn well works. The guy scored a hatty but only 2 fans threw their touques on the ice. 23 goals on the season as the B’s prepare for the 2nd season grind. John Toth wanted to make the blog and he did, scoring 2 spin-a-ramas that will be seen around the world if they get sports centre there.

BLACKHAWKS 4 KINGS 3: Big upset alert here, gang. It was a hard fought battle right to the final buzzer. Danny Wilde with his first 2 goals of the season as the late game had plenty of onlookers watching to seal their team’s playoff matchup.

So there you go. Master’s playoffs start this upcoming Sunday. Two other divisions have one more game this weekend then let the real games begin. Have a good week, fellas... Player stats will be posted shortly on our website.

Chris Marttila

What a weekend of action over at the quad. Most of the games were close while a few others .. well you get my drift. Let’s unpack the weekend that was before my break is over...

JUNIOR DIVISION:

FLYERS 3 BLACKHAWKS 2: Flyers Bob Howarth scored his 1st goal of the season and almost broke his ankle scaling the glass as his Flyers snuck by the Hawks 3-2. Bob also assisted on the winning goal so he got to keep the game puck. Bravo, hats off, congratulations, Bob!

OILERS 3 REDWINGS 1: Finally, after tossing teams on the bbq at 450 degrees at the start of the season, the Oilers found themselves on the winning side with a 3-1 win over the Redwings. Kyle Zimmerman led the way with a pair of beauts for the winners. The Wings were missing half their bus full of players for this one and paid for it. Their legs felt like cheese strings after the game. Where was everyone tonight, we asked Wings blueliner Dave Wichman, “The answer my friend... is blowing in the wind.”

BRUINS 4 PENGUINS 2: Bruins Sean Riley scored his 1st of the season while Justin "Eastgate” Mol notched his 20th as the Bruins knocked off the surging Penguinos 4-2. I had the Penguins on my proline ticket on this one, wrapped it up and threw it out the window and my tv almost did as well. The Bruins played a solid road game leaving the Pens’ frustrated all night.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

PENGUINS 3 BLACKHAWKS 1: I’m not a fan of defensive battles. I would rather sit through a Harry Potter marathon with the wife. But as the playoffs loom, this is the kind of game we will see. Both teams played the trap better than the gang from Deadliest Catch. Another strong game from Pens’ Dave Armstrong. I mean this guy could talk a pitbull off a meat wagon for crying out loud.

BRUINS 4 CANADIENS 2: Bruins Tim Pettit was like CityTV .. Everywhere! 2 goals and 2 apples led the Bruins to a 4-2 win over the Habs. Not to be outdone, Bruins Dwayne Kavanaugh tallied his 2nd goal of the campaign that brought the announced crowd of 3 to their feet. Canadiens’ Mike Miscio replied with a goal and an assist while Rob Baker had both halves of his assorted sub right before the game and felt sluggish out there. The guys were complaining he kept belching the cold cuts on the bench which threw their game off immensely.

LEAFS 5 FLYERS 1: Leafs goalie Bill Templeman is playing gross out there this year. I am talking drop the cell phone in toilet and bare hand scoop it out kinda gross. He had the Trump wall up again, thwarting the Flyers powerhouses time after time. Then there’s Leafs’ Bob Tenison, rolled us up like a yoga mat and stuffed us behind the sofa, scoring a hatty for the winners. Back to the drawing board for the Flyers after the break where plenty of game film will be watched.

MASTERS DIVISION:

REDWINGS 3 BRUINS 1: Redwings are for real! These guy’s toboggan was sliding down the hill with no one on it for a while but have turned things around and are in the hunt for the cup. They put the Bruins on blast with a 3-1 victory and the crowd’s are starting to come back to see their SCOHA heroes. Wing’s goaltender Scott Johnson postgame, “Geeze... we couldn’t fix a bicycle tire for the first half of the season but look at us know! We are heading into the playoffs with beards and the confidence to roll through the division one team at a time..” I quickly reminded him that he just jinxed himself then I was quickly asked to leave the dressing room and they folded my microphone into 3 pieces.

KINGS 4 FLYERS 2: Henry Marfisi chugged 2 Red Bulls at the same time before the game, went out there and scored 3 Gretzky-like goals as the Kings grounded the Flyers 4-2. Marfisi is stuffing goalies into Tupperware containers this year and saves them for later. It’s way too easy for him out there, just insane.  Flyers Enzo Giammichele grabbed the loose puck and buried his 2nd of the season for the Flyers.

STARS 7 SHARKS 1: I will take my tv off the wall and throw it in the pool if this  Stars team doesn’t go far in the playoffs. They make us want to sit and watch them while eating mozzarella sticks until our belly buttons go horizontal. Captain Chris Baratto had these guys playing the kind of hockey he likes to unwind with on a Thursday night on his betamax. The Sharks got their lunches eaten but take a look at their roster.. they had one bad night, I am betting a quick turn around after the week layoff. Sharks Mike Martini dropped his 2nd olive of the season in a losing cause.

FLAMES 5 BLACKHAWKS 2: The Flames set up a few flares to see what happens and came out with a 5-2 win over the Hawks. Stan the Man had 2 goals for the winners while Jason Anderson (no relation to Pam) also added a nice pair for the Flames.

On that note, after another big snowfall, most of us are walking around the house like we have 2 scuba tanks on our backs. Looking forward to the week off before the games heat up from 350 to broil. Have a good Superbowl weekend, my prediction is Pats by 7 but we’ll see....

Chris Marttila

What a weekend of action! Our game of the week saw the masters Bruins beat the Kings 6-3. More ups and downs than a Pamela Anderson dvd.

JUNIOR DIVISION:
PENGUINS 8 OILERS 3: Make that 7 straight wins for the Penguins, these guys are kicking ass and eating chips at the same time. This time, an 8-3 drubbing over the slumping Oilers. Kevin Clark had a can of Jolt cola before the game, went out there and scored a hatty. Derek Nagy lit the lamp twice for the winners who scored 2 shorthanded goals in the romp. Oilers Lino Ruggieri re-taped his stick and felt good out there, scoring 2 despite getting their lunches eaten by the surging Pens. Oilers are an experienced bunch, they will re-find their winning ways before the playoffs, you heard it here first sports fans.

BLACKHAWKS 3 REDWINGS 1: A spirited game that saw more minors than a high school dance. 10 penalties called but the Hawks prevailed 3-1 snapping a mini 2-game slide. Dino Laporta carried on loading up the net with pucks with 2 for the winners while Richard Forster tallied the lone Redwings marker. That’s 3 losses in a row for the Wings who held an optional skate afterwards to iron out some plays.

BRUINS 4 FLYERS 0: Gamesheet says #71 had 2 goals but no idea who that is so congrats on the great game Kasper, you get the game puck! Bruins have rattled off 3 wins in a row and are ready for the 2nd season! Fist pump to Roman Bratovz for his 2nd shutout of the season, hope someone bought him a beer after the game.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:
BLACKHAWKS 2 CANADIENS 2: A defensive battle for $200, Alex.... and that’s what the fans got as both teams fired everything but the kitchen sink at these 2 net minders. Habs’ Rob Baker promised a young fan a goal and an assist and he delivered. His bad cold from making snow angels on the arena lawn seems to be clearing up. And is poised for a strong playoff. Hawks Kevin Feist chipped in with a goal and an apple as this hawks team haven’t lost since December 9th.

BRUINS 1 LEAFS 1: offensive gamebook accidentally got put in the recycling bin as both teams could only muster up a goal each. Goalies are playing out of this world lately. We will have to run some labs to see if there is anything out of the ordinary. Bruins Wayne Sliwinski had everyone on pins and needles with his nifty dangle for a goal and his robust style of play. A young Terry O’Reilly as some media writers put it. For the Leafs, Alan “Pickle” Heron scored a beaut.

FLYERS 7 PENGUINS 2: The Flyers were buzzing like a Puff Daddy party. 4-0 only 3:29 into the game and they sat back and ate mozzarella sticks until the final horn. 3 players notched a pair while spare goalie Tony built a trump wall in the crease for the winners. Dave “Mayor of Scohaville” was sitting at the pool bar in Cuba but was stuck watching a 2012 baseball re-run on the resort tv. He missed his team’s best effort of the season and the after party that ensued.

MASTERS DIVISION:
BLACKHAWKS 4 FLYERS 1: The Blackhawks had umpteen players figure in the scoring as they defeated the Flyers 4-1. Flyers rented a short bus as they only had half a team. Hawks’ Bob Schweyer scored the goal of the year according to him.

STARS 5 FLAMES 1: Spare Goalie Alex filled in for a vacationing Brian Deanes as the Stars upended the Flames 5-1 for Guy Shaver sock night. First 10 fans through the turnstyle got a pair of lime green socks with an image of Guy on them for a keepsake. Mark Gillis bulged the twine twice for the winners while John Jansen replied for the Flames who have dropped 3 straight for the first time this season. Stars Chris Baratto complimented the zamboni driver after the game, praising his straight even lines he left behind. “it was definitely the TSN turning point in the game.”

BRUINS 6 KINGS 3: The mighty finally fell. A mixed bag of Bruin players found the scoresheet as they toppled the league leaders 6-3. Kings had won 6 in a row but a determined Bruin squad played a perfect road game, Swarming the Kings like a grass hat salesman on a Cuban beach. Great game guys!

REDWINGS 4 SHARKS 1: Didn’t I tell you guys the Redwings are going to turn their season around? They beat the over on Proline and dominated a fast Sharks squad, winning 4-1. Bill “webmaster” Curran scored a laser beam and added a ufo saucer pass for an assist for the winning side. Scott “Magic” Johnson could’ve tied his goalie pads upside down and still made ridiculous saves. He is guarding the crease like my cat Nuffers guards a can of soft salmon on the kitchen floor.

Well that wraps up another week of SCOHA action. Games are heating up and rivalries are getting more intense each week. This week is no exception. Shout out to the Masters player that wore a touque under his helmet over the weekend. Thought it was the Great Gazoo from the Flintstone’s out there for a second! Enjoy the rest of the week, fellas!

Chris Marttila

Back in the Saddle after more rays than a marijuana plant. All 3 divisions are heating up like a bowl of tomato soup with no lid on...

JUNIOR DIVISION:

PENGUINS 5 REDWINGS 1: penguins have rattled off 6 straight wins to take over the division lead with a 5-1 win over the Redwings. Kevin Clark was on fire, scoring 3 goals. One might have even gone in off his damn face for crying out loud. Dave “Mayor of Scohaville” Wichman tallied the lone goal for the Redwings, who are still within arm’s length of getting back into the points race.

FLYERS 5 OILERS 3: Dino LaPorta (Backyarda) keeps racking up points. A shot like his could turn the U.S. government back on. He picked up another 2 goals and a hamburger helper to lift the Flyers over the Oil 5-3. Mike Czepita-pit did all he could, scoring 2 goals for the slumping Oilers, who have lost 5 straight for the first time in team history. Reporters were asked to leave their locker room post-game as players held a team meeting. They stand in 3rd place after a crazy start to the season.

BRUINS 4 BLACKHAWKS 2: Both teams barrelled down the boards all night long, taking no prisoners. Refs pea wore out on their whistles as both club’s paraded to the penalty box as 9 minors were called. Game took 3 hours and 8 minutes to play! In the end, the Bruins came out victorious 4-2. Hawk players soaked in the ice bath afterwards and didn’t want to talk to the media. Bruins Greg Lintott had a strong game, collecting 3 Gretzky-like assists for the winners. Points were spread out like marmalade on toast for this game.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

CANADIENS 3 FLYERS 2: The Flyers are out of batteries right now, dropping their 4th straight thanks to a pair of goals from Habs’ Mike “Never” Miscio. Flyers’ Jay Hoffman scored a goal upper cheese (or whatever the kids are saying now) and gathered an apple for the Flyers. With team captain Dave Wichman in the tropics this upcoming weekend downing more pina colodas than Tattoo from Fantasy Island, Flyers look to grab a point or 2 against the Penguins... stay tuned.

BLACKHAWKS 7 BRUINS 1: The Blackhawks dumped on the Bruins and didn’t even care to leave the fan on. 7-1 was the final score as Bruins fans demanded a refund. Hawks’ Kevin Feist scored a hatty and Walter Blagdon racked up 3 assists for the winners who are back within a point of first place. Bruins Tim Pettitt was the only Bruin with no rust on this night, scoring a 110 km/h cheese bomb for the losing side.

LEAFS 1 PENGUINS 1: This game was tighter than a pair of socks in sandals. Brian Powell for the Pens and Paul “Quick Draw” McGraw for the Leafs took care of the goals while both goalies stood on their earlobes all night, making several tantalizing saves and smiled after each one. Leafs were missing Captain Crunch Bob Tenison, really missed him out there. This guy has the hockey smarts. He can skate full speed down the ice and explain the difference between Samsung and Sony tv’s at the same time.

MASTERS DIVISION:

BRUINS 5 FLYERS 1: Bruins came ready to play, brought a cooler full of Red Bulls to chug pre-game, went out there and were as impressive as in overnight air Amazon impressive. 5-1 was the final as Dale Brons scored another 2. This guy is stuck on sensor reheat mode on his microwave and the off button is broken, never stops. Tim Manning also dropped a deuce for the winners while Pat Sergi replied for the Flyers who remain in the middle of the pack in the standings. Bruins goalkeeper Joe LoCiccero stopped all but one Flyer shot, putting the rest of the opposition into sleeping bags and didn’t bother saying goodnight.

KINGS 4 FLAMES 2: 4 different scorers for the Kings as they defeated the Flames 4-2 in front of a packed house. Kings’ Al Angelone scored on a shot that broke the crossbar in half before going in. Arena staff are still looking for payment. Flames Rob Frith added 2 assists in a losing cause.

REDWINGS 5 STARS 3: Redwings Danny DiGiancinto and Ghislain both scored 2 each as the Redwings held off the Stars 5-3. Watch out for the Redwings who have now won 2 of 3 and are turning teams into molecules with their recent play. After going 9 games mid-season without a win, the locker room have kept their spirits up and are starting to make their way up the standings. Watch out for these guys, they are eyeing the big prize.

SHARKS 3 BLACKHAWKS 2: I thought Sharks’ Jim Albanese was on vacation! The score sheet tells us otherwise, he scored 3 goals, maybe all the way from the swim up bar but regardless, the Sharks held off the Hawks 3-2.

Well there you have it, last weekend in a nutshell. Players are starting to feel the playoff push. Blocking shots with their ribs and not worrying about 4 days of ice packs. Here’s to no thrown-out backs shovelling today, we all need to play hockey. Cheers fellas!

Chris Marttila