Well fellas, as we lean up against the wall and wait this one out, a few SCOHA players are trying to come up with a loop-hole way to be able to play in the Olympics next month. League president and all around nice guy, Terry Gudgeon, said in a statement this afternoon that no player under contract in SCOHA is permitted to play in the upcoming Olympics, something that brought about some ire from a few players.

Masters wiley veteran Guy Shaver was all clean-shaven and ready to board the plane early to avoid air traffic when Gudgeon’s announcement came to light this afternoon. Shaver was ready to play for team Switzerland, a definite underdog in the tournament but he was offered a 3rd line spot on the club. Word from the Swiss team is that a young goaltender by the name of Jonas Toblerone will make his debut. A “nougat” of information for you: He plays a “triangle” style of play, he is “nuts”, and he likes to hang out at Swiss Chalet around Christmas. Toblerone doesn’t take to losing very lightly. He has been seen acting pretty crunchy and salty after some sub-par games in the net.

At any rate, fingers are crossed for our season to continue. Your buddy Doug Ford holds the key to Ontario arenas and me thinks we will be back skating very soon but who knows, there are still more cases than Matlock has ever seen.

Stick tap to Cable 14 who are replaying some classic SCOHA games to keep us all entertained. This week’s game was the 1982 “Massacre on the Mountain” masters championship game which saw a young goaltender Brian Deanes score not 1 but 2 empty net goals as his team won the cup. Thick fog filled the rink but the players soldiered on. TV cameras couldn’t follow the puck, broadcasters had to come down from the gondola to call the play-by-play, and Dale Brons glued a damn lightbulb to the puck to help everyone out.

Intermediate Blackhawks coach and GM Paul McGraw mailed out off-ice training regiments to his squad this week. Covid or not, McGraw sits at the top of the Kenilworth stairs with his clipboard every morning at 8am and expects his team to adhere to the training.

Other than that, that’s about all that’s happening from this end of the ice. Let’s hope everyone is keeping well. We’ve been lucky to play the games we did. If I didn’t have a cat, I would be doing puzzles every night. Hope to see everyone soon…

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blogologist

Well fellas, I hope the holidays are filled with frankincense and myrrh. I wouldn’t know what myrrh was if you handed a bucket of it to me. Myrrh has to be the only word where two “r”s and an h are lined up consecutively. Anyways, let’s hope we all stay safe, numbers are getting higher than a Lottomax jackpot. A few players still have hopes of a new tea cloth set being under the tree tomorrow morning, fingers crossed for them. We got through 2021, let’s hope for a better 2022. If you are looking for a nice holiday beveridge, look up peppermint martini, looks damn good. 

Chris Marttila

I would be doing everyone a disservice if I didn’t start this weeks writeup without thanking those who subbed in this past weekend so we could get the league games played. Some players, including yours truly, feared a Christmas quarantine and opted out lacing them up while others just flat out couldn’t make it. Again, thanks to those guys who answered the bell. At any rate, let’s get to the highlights and low lights from this past weekend’s action.

Hey Gang, sorry for the delay, some Sara McLaughlin Christmas snoring was taking place. An abbreviated version of the blog this time around. Hope everyone survived the Grey Cup food that exited our bodies with a velocity that made us all yell. Only two games on the ol’ docket last weekend but they were full of more ups and downs than a fiddler’s elbow. The government has advised against large gatherings this holiday season so if you were thinking about going to Master’s Dale Brons’ wreath-making party this Saturday afternoon, please make alternate plans. Hey, do you listen to podcasts? A heads up, there was no SCOHA podcast this week due to new Covid protocols at the studio. Anyways, let’s get to another round of news and information from around the league…..

Right off the bat, let’s acknowledge Masters goaltender Joe LoCicero for his first installment of “Scoha Heroes Having Coffee” podcast that hit Apple Music, Disney Plus and Spotify last week. Joe’s first episode saw special guests Bruce MacDonald and Joe Venditti join him for some laughs and stories from past years of SCOHA. Glad to hear they are both keeping well. Great guys. Can’t wait to hear who the next mystery guests are…

Also, thanks to the messages about this weekly blog. Some players are even saying they feel smarter after each edition.

This past week saw the Junior Division have the night off. The Flyer’s Haslam trio held a family games night that went a bit sideways when they decided to combine a game of Twister and chili night. We won’t go into detail but needless to say, there won’t be another games night there for a while….

Intermediate Flyers and Blackhawks pulled off a trade prior to this past weekend’s games. I fell to my knees in Walmart when I heard about this. Blackhawks sent A.A.N.G. (all-around nice guy) Jeff Davis to the Flyers for future considerations to clear some cap space and to help solidify a struggling Flyer club. There’s a warm water feeling in the Flyers locker room that they can salvage their season with this key cog in the wheel. A big thank you to Jeff for helping out the league!

Everyone’s Proline tickets were ripped up and strewn about the bleachers when the Masters Kings and Flames played to a 2-2 tie. A lot of us had the “over 5.5” goals on this one but the two goalies had something to say about that… Sorry buddy, I’m not making it out tonight, I’m at home trying to figure this game out.

As the Montreal Canadiens start their search for a French speaking GM, rumours around the water cooler are swirling about Master’s division sniper Bernard Boulienne applying for the position. We will keep an ear glued to the radio and update you if we hear something. Looking for the perfect gift for the SCOHA fan on your list? Try the $8 flex pack that includes 2 tickets, 2 ballpark franks and 2 colas. These are available through email transfer to my account only…  

This past weekend saw some streaks continue and some come to a roaring halt. Fasten your seatbelt, crack open a chilly one, let’s get to the recap. 

Question to kick off this week’s blog: Our SCOHA anthem singer sings the first line of the song then holds the mic up in the air for the crowd to sing the rest then rejoins it for the last sentence. Should we just pay her per line sang? We are getting the shaft here, fellas, and it’s coming out of the league’s bottom line. Time to do something about this.  

Fellas, the goals are coming fast and furious, just like the 9 squirrels in my backyard who are paying ridiculous rent but still won’t go away. Our SCOHA Hero Spotlight this week, brought to you by Duracell Flashlight, is Masters Blackhawk Bill “Captain” Kircos. This promising young upstart has toiled in the ranks of many European clubs. His puck tenacity is second to none and he runs through warmups with the Avengers song in his head ready to destroy every puck out there. Off the ice, Bill donates a lot of his earnings to save the Whales, enjoys mystery books and long walks along the beach. His Blackhawks won their first game of the season over the weekend so there is reason to celebrate in the rocker room again. Great job guys! 

First off, i had a nice chat with Intermediate superstar Paul Cleary this past Friday night and he wanted me to pass along a heartfelt thank you for all the well wishes as he goes through his health issue. He is beyond grateful for all his hockey buddies and we all can't wait to see him back on the ice soon. You've got this Paul! Great guy, heart of gold.

Meanwhile, let’s talk about master’s Division player Ron Hall. Before we went to press, he accepted a transfer to the Bruins which opens up a spot on the Blackhawks to help improve their club. Talk about a classy move to benefit the league. We owe you one, Ron!

Meanwhile on the ice, a few injuries recently have put a damper on a few players performance. I spoke to Master’s Denis (don’t call me Celine) Dion and he took this past weekend off to rest some soreness but was pretty confident he will lace up his twirlers this upcoming weekend. Great news, Denis! There were a few high scoring games this past weekend so without further adieu, let’s get right to it…

1 out of 4 players’ gear is starting to smell like cheese. 4 weeks into the season and the 19-month gear air-out is wearing off in a hurry. The cold winter is coming so that means our hockey bags will be out in the garage or just staying in the back of the truck all week. Not good times.

Some teams have already found their groove, some are wearing out the VCR going over game footage from the week before. Let’s rip open the envelope from last week’s action and see what shook down at the Quad… truth be told, we had some newspaper reporters on hand from the North York Mirror, Porcupine Bugle and the Flin Flon Reminder to take in all the action.