This Week in SCOHA – November 23, 2021

ICE PACK EDITION


SCOHA 2021/2022

Question to kick off this week’s blog: Our SCOHA anthem singer sings the first line of the song then holds the mic up in the air for the crowd to sing the rest then rejoins it for the last sentence. Should we just pay her per line sang? We are getting the shaft here, fellas, and it’s coming out of the league’s bottom line. Time to do something about this.  

JUNIOR DIVISION: 

BRUINS 2 FLYERS 1: A typical spirited game between two arch rivals hooked up for a memorable tilt. Dave Mercer scored the game winner with 0.1 ticks left on the clock to seal the win for the Bruins who have won 2 out of their last 3 games. The Flyers deserved a better fate but they will be spending a lot of time with the refrigerator door open looking for answers after this tough loss. I sat down with Bruins goaltender Steve Cuthbert after the game and we are still trying to figure out why electricians aren’t called power rangers.  

 OILERS 7 REDWINGS 3: This game saw Oilers rookie Tayler Tompkins show he is in this league to stay. See the moves on this guy? He can peel an orange in his pocket for crying out loud! 2 goals and an assist for the youngster as the Oilers slammed the Redwings on the floor like a bag of ice, ending a 2-game losing streak. In all fairness, the Wings were running a short bench and were missing Charlie Polizzi but still. Tough night, pack up the bus and head home. They will be ready this week, you heard it here first. 

 INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:  

Feel bad for the Intermediate goalies after this past weekend. More shots fired at them than an episode of Yellowstone. (Great show by the way, give it a sporting chance if you haven’t watched it yet.) 

 BRUINS 6 FLYERS 5: Bruins Rich Forster is a seasoned chef that respects the ingredients. He is eggs for dinner weird but it works for him and his hockey club. Rich broke onto the scene during a frantic 83’-84’ season when wooden sticks were all the go and socks were tucked into the skate. His stifling defensive style sucks the life out of the arena but like he says, “2 points is 2 points”. That’s why Forster will eventually be in the SCOHA Hall of Fame on a first-time ballot. His rookie card fetched $4.50 on Ebay last week and some crazed lunatic paid $8.00 for his broken mouthguard. Anyways, Flyers had a strong night from Brock “hot Wheels” Hotrum, collecting four helpers in a losing cause. Bruins Al “Pickled” Herron was also in the mood to pass off, getting 3 assists for the winning side. Wayne Slewinski scored a pair to stay in the top 10 of the division scoring race. 

 BLACKHAWKS 3 CANADIENS 2: The first-place Blackhawks skated into a propeller as the Canadiens played a hard game. In the end, the hawks barely hung on to the 3-2 squeeker. Not going to lie, yours truly is still pretty sore. I would rather fight Carla from Cheers than deal with this massive bruise on my stomach the size of a purple frisbee from blocking a shot. It’ll buff out. Anyways, hawks were happier than a tornado in a trailer park with the win. Canadiens threw everything but the bathroom sink at goalie Brad Ballman, especially in the last 7 minutes. More blocks than a Lego convention.  

 MASTERS DIVISION: 

REDWINGS 7 KINGS 2: The Kings peed the bed and blamed the blanket. They will be the first to admit it. The Redwings threw a lot of mud into the neutral zone to slow the Kings down and it worked. Larry “Ballroom” Litzgus filled the net 3 times while Howie “All Request 80’s” Micks scored twice for the winners who have won 3 of 4 and are starting to find their groove. Wings veteran Terry Gudgeon registered his 500th assist of his illustrious career, accomplishing a feat never heard of anymore. This should pave his way as a hall of famer, alongside Rich Forster. Kings Steve Smith had 2 points for the Kings who plays tough, marine-grade adhesive tough. 

 STARS 3 FLAMES 1: Action was up and down like the toilet seat at Taco Bell for this one, folks. An effective dump and chase strategy by Stars captain Chris Barratto played in their favour. Fans went home happy and the Stars are now on a 3-game winning streak. Bill Templeman filled in for Alex Greychuck in the Stars crease. He performed admirably and took home the game puck as Star of the Game. Jason Anderson scored the lone goal for the Flames. This guy works like a swiss army knife. Play him anywhere, he won’t disappoint. Flame fans have something to cheer about with Anderson and with his contract expiring at season’s end, everyone and their dog are hoping he stays with the club long term. 

 SHARKS 2 FLYERS 0: Sharks goalie Tymen Edelkoort is leaving teams shaking their heads so much, they could mix paint in their mouths. Another shutout, his 3rd of the campaign, as the Sharks chewed up the Flyers 2-0. A garden variety of penalties as 9 minors were called and the referee had to replace the pea in his whistle during the intermission. Tymen is sweating from all the applause directed his way. An off-season regiment that involved running the Kenilworth stairs backwards and eating carrots and cheese seem to be paying dividends for the goalkeeper. Let’s get stick taps for Sharks Robert DiGiovanni who scored both goals for the winners. Per hot tub rumours, Robert opted for 2 meatballs instead of one for a pre-game meal and went out there like he was shot out of a cannon. Great game, fella! 

 BLACKHAWKS 10 BRUINS 7: What in the name of Rod Langway happened here? Fans loved the flashback to a 1986 NHL All-Star Game. Hawks Ernie Dunston single-handedly folded up the Bruins like a used picnic blanket, scoring 2 goals and adding a miraculous 5 assists. What’s the SCOHA record for points in a game? Someone let us know, we are curious, my cat ate my 2021-22 media guide. Also on the scoresheet is Flyers Dave Armstrong who, after injuries almost derailed his career, has his game back to where it once was. Dave scored 4 goals, all worthy of an arena lobby poster, but fell a bit short. Bruins captain Gord Bryce asked reporters to give the team more time to dissect this one after the game. He added after, “This 2-game losing streak hurts, lemme tell ya. It’s nothing but a small sun shower, folks. We will be back this week ready to win.” I asked Gord if he is guaranteeing a victory this weekend. “No comment.” Hawks captain and GM Bill Kircos was last seen at the airport waving his Blackhawks flag on the tarmac prior to the team’s charter back home. 2 wins in a row will do that after a dismal start to the year. 

 Time to tap out. What a week at the rink as games are ramping up head of the Christmas break. Masters Bernie “Beef” Boulliane is selling raffle tickets for his daughter’s dance academy, a holiday haul raffle. Flag him down at the rink and enter for a chance to win a bounty of biblical proportion. Enjoy the rest of the week. Those recently injured, we all hope you heal quick and get back out there.  

 Chris Marttila 


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