This Week in SCOHA – December 21st, 2021

I would be doing everyone a disservice if I didn’t start this weeks writeup without thanking those who subbed in this past weekend so we could get the league games played. Some players, including yours truly, feared a Christmas quarantine and opted out lacing them up while others just flat out couldn’t make it. Again, thanks to those guys who answered the bell. At any rate, let’s get to the highlights and low lights from this past weekend’s action.

JUNIOR DIVISION;

Games were canceled late Friday afternoon. Players cringed as they were stuck watching the W Network Christmas movies where the whole village was in turmoil until buddy saved the day and donated money for the gala. He was supposed to get a flight home but a storm rolled in…. anyways, same ol story.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

BLACKHAWKS 6 CANADIENS 1: Steve Cromwell didn’t “fudge” the game sheet, fellas. He scored 3 goals as the Hawks trounced the Habs 6-1. Shawn James set up 3 goals for the winning side. This guy has patience, guys. He stops the microwave with 1 second left every time just to prove it. Canadiens sub Luke Taylor scored the lone goal for the Canadiens, who were missing some key players. Hawks goaltender was almost lemon perfect in the crease, allowing just one goal on 38 shots to preserve the win.

BRUINS 4 FLYERS 2: Richard “fables of the green” Forster came ready to play. Stuffed the end pouch of his hockey bag with Orange Fanta’s for that little bit more energy and it paid off. He walked away from the rink with the game puck to put on the mantle to relace the doily and red vase that irritates him every Christmas. Doesn’t go with anything. Ask him, he will tell you all about it. Flyers Jim Marentette is scoring more than Tommy Lee at a California bikini contest for crying out loud. Having a great season, He will be given a hard look from every team next draft, you heard it here first.

MASTERS DIVISION:

REDWINGS 7 STARS 4: What in the name of Mike Palmateer happened here? Stars hadn’t lost in 5 games while the Redwings watched so many game films over he past 5 weeks, Terry Gudgeon’s Betamax kept eating the damn tapes. Larry “Ballroom” Litzgus scored a natural hatty while goaltender Joe “Near and” Defaria tallied a pair of assists. When’s the last time a goalie recorded 2 assists in a game? Don’t ask me or I would’ve written it right here. Mike “Do they know it’s” Christensen scored a beauty of a goal that we will see on the TSN plays of the year, just you wait. Stars Danny DiGiacinto, if the game sheets serve me correctly, reffed a pair of games and played in this one afterwards. He even scored a goal. This guy’s rec room must’ve smelled like a5/35 and a mixed sub when he got home. Danny put in a solid night’s work!

FLYERS 4 BRUINS 3: 5 penalties were called, there’s the Christmas spirit, fellas! The Flyers won their 3rd straight, a 4-3 squeaker over the big bad Bruins. Bernie “10-pin” Boulienne scored a pair for the winning side while John “someone get me something for this sore” Toth, Captain Gord Bryce, and Bob Tirnanic replied for the B’s. Stick tap to Bill Kircos for subbing in for the Bruins. Quite the compliment, Bill. They were missing 4 guys and they just wanted you!

BLACKHAWKS 4 FLAMES 4: Blackhawks Nick “Miscellaneous” Miscione felt good in warmup. He winked at the 3 fans in the crowd after his 3rd lap around. Must have been good luck because he scored 3 goals as the Hawks tied the Flames 4-4. Jason Anderson, no relation to Pam, had a nice pair for the Flames, who also had 3 assists from Jon Jansen. Jansen’s style of play is as rare as handball shoes, ladies and gentleman. His tenacious puck pursuit rivals no one in this damn league and the back of his hockey card proves he can pile up the points. When I am in Master’s I want him on my team. That Guthro kid ain’t no slouch either….

SHARKS 6 KINGS 1: I had the over 5.5 on this one and I am so right all the time it’s exhausting. 2 powerhouse teams that can score from every angle of the rink. Kings were down 6 guys, Sharks were missing 5. Public Health said players were 9 feet away from each other on the benches but they had no choice. Al Angelone. This guy is like a fine bottle of red. Gets better with age. Does he sleep in olive oil? Looked great out there for the 3rd week in a row. His jubilee celebrations after goals are worth sticking around the rink for. Add 2 more to his illustrious SCOHA career, both top corner.. upstairs where Norman Bates keeps his family. Make the final 5-1 Sharks.

Well, quite an Omicrominous way to approach the Christmas break. We are off until the New Year. Let’s stay safe over the holidays. Don’t pour the chip dip over your head like last year, and despite the world being in disarray, let’s enjoy the holidays. See you all back at the rink soon!

Merry Christmas to you and your families,

Chris Marttila