This Week in SCOHA - January 18th 2019

Back in the Saddle after more rays than a marijuana plant. All 3 divisions are heating up like a bowl of tomato soup with no lid on...

JUNIOR DIVISION:

PENGUINS 5 REDWINGS 1: penguins have rattled off 6 straight wins to take over the division lead with a 5-1 win over the Redwings. Kevin Clark was on fire, scoring 3 goals. One might have even gone in off his damn face for crying out loud. Dave “Mayor of Scohaville” Wichman tallied the lone goal for the Redwings, who are still within arm’s length of getting back into the points race.

FLYERS 5 OILERS 3: Dino LaPorta (Backyarda) keeps racking up points. A shot like his could turn the U.S. government back on. He picked up another 2 goals and a hamburger helper to lift the Flyers over the Oil 5-3. Mike Czepita-pit did all he could, scoring 2 goals for the slumping Oilers, who have lost 5 straight for the first time in team history. Reporters were asked to leave their locker room post-game as players held a team meeting. They stand in 3rd place after a crazy start to the season.

BRUINS 4 BLACKHAWKS 2: Both teams barrelled down the boards all night long, taking no prisoners. Refs pea wore out on their whistles as both club’s paraded to the penalty box as 9 minors were called. Game took 3 hours and 8 minutes to play! In the end, the Bruins came out victorious 4-2. Hawk players soaked in the ice bath afterwards and didn’t want to talk to the media. Bruins Greg Lintott had a strong game, collecting 3 Gretzky-like assists for the winners. Points were spread out like marmalade on toast for this game.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

CANADIENS 3 FLYERS 2: The Flyers are out of batteries right now, dropping their 4th straight thanks to a pair of goals from Habs’ Mike “Never” Miscio. Flyers’ Jay Hoffman scored a goal upper cheese (or whatever the kids are saying now) and gathered an apple for the Flyers. With team captain Dave Wichman in the tropics this upcoming weekend downing more pina colodas than Tattoo from Fantasy Island, Flyers look to grab a point or 2 against the Penguins... stay tuned.

BLACKHAWKS 7 BRUINS 1: The Blackhawks dumped on the Bruins and didn’t even care to leave the fan on. 7-1 was the final score as Bruins fans demanded a refund. Hawks’ Kevin Feist scored a hatty and Walter Blagdon racked up 3 assists for the winners who are back within a point of first place. Bruins Tim Pettitt was the only Bruin with no rust on this night, scoring a 110 km/h cheese bomb for the losing side.

LEAFS 1 PENGUINS 1: This game was tighter than a pair of socks in sandals. Brian Powell for the Pens and Paul “Quick Draw” McGraw for the Leafs took care of the goals while both goalies stood on their earlobes all night, making several tantalizing saves and smiled after each one. Leafs were missing Captain Crunch Bob Tenison, really missed him out there. This guy has the hockey smarts. He can skate full speed down the ice and explain the difference between Samsung and Sony tv’s at the same time.

MASTERS DIVISION:

BRUINS 5 FLYERS 1: Bruins came ready to play, brought a cooler full of Red Bulls to chug pre-game, went out there and were as impressive as in overnight air Amazon impressive. 5-1 was the final as Dale Brons scored another 2. This guy is stuck on sensor reheat mode on his microwave and the off button is broken, never stops. Tim Manning also dropped a deuce for the winners while Pat Sergi replied for the Flyers who remain in the middle of the pack in the standings. Bruins goalkeeper Joe LoCiccero stopped all but one Flyer shot, putting the rest of the opposition into sleeping bags and didn’t bother saying goodnight.

KINGS 4 FLAMES 2: 4 different scorers for the Kings as they defeated the Flames 4-2 in front of a packed house. Kings’ Al Angelone scored on a shot that broke the crossbar in half before going in. Arena staff are still looking for payment. Flames Rob Frith added 2 assists in a losing cause.

REDWINGS 5 STARS 3: Redwings Danny DiGiancinto and Ghislain both scored 2 each as the Redwings held off the Stars 5-3. Watch out for the Redwings who have now won 2 of 3 and are turning teams into molecules with their recent play. After going 9 games mid-season without a win, the locker room have kept their spirits up and are starting to make their way up the standings. Watch out for these guys, they are eyeing the big prize.

SHARKS 3 BLACKHAWKS 2: I thought Sharks’ Jim Albanese was on vacation! The score sheet tells us otherwise, he scored 3 goals, maybe all the way from the swim up bar but regardless, the Sharks held off the Hawks 3-2.

Well there you have it, last weekend in a nutshell. Players are starting to feel the playoff push. Blocking shots with their ribs and not worrying about 4 days of ice packs. Here’s to no thrown-out backs shovelling today, we all need to play hockey. Cheers fellas!

Chris Marttila