This Week in SCOHA – January 25th, 2019

What a weekend of action! Our game of the week saw the masters Bruins beat the Kings 6-3. More ups and downs than a Pamela Anderson dvd.

JUNIOR DIVISION:
PENGUINS 8 OILERS 3: Make that 7 straight wins for the Penguins, these guys are kicking ass and eating chips at the same time. This time, an 8-3 drubbing over the slumping Oilers. Kevin Clark had a can of Jolt cola before the game, went out there and scored a hatty. Derek Nagy lit the lamp twice for the winners who scored 2 shorthanded goals in the romp. Oilers Lino Ruggieri re-taped his stick and felt good out there, scoring 2 despite getting their lunches eaten by the surging Pens. Oilers are an experienced bunch, they will re-find their winning ways before the playoffs, you heard it here first sports fans.

BLACKHAWKS 3 REDWINGS 1: A spirited game that saw more minors than a high school dance. 10 penalties called but the Hawks prevailed 3-1 snapping a mini 2-game slide. Dino Laporta carried on loading up the net with pucks with 2 for the winners while Richard Forster tallied the lone Redwings marker. That’s 3 losses in a row for the Wings who held an optional skate afterwards to iron out some plays.

BRUINS 4 FLYERS 0: Gamesheet says #71 had 2 goals but no idea who that is so congrats on the great game Kasper, you get the game puck! Bruins have rattled off 3 wins in a row and are ready for the 2nd season! Fist pump to Roman Bratovz for his 2nd shutout of the season, hope someone bought him a beer after the game.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:
BLACKHAWKS 2 CANADIENS 2: A defensive battle for $200, Alex.... and that’s what the fans got as both teams fired everything but the kitchen sink at these 2 net minders. Habs’ Rob Baker promised a young fan a goal and an assist and he delivered. His bad cold from making snow angels on the arena lawn seems to be clearing up. And is poised for a strong playoff. Hawks Kevin Feist chipped in with a goal and an apple as this hawks team haven’t lost since December 9th.

BRUINS 1 LEAFS 1: offensive gamebook accidentally got put in the recycling bin as both teams could only muster up a goal each. Goalies are playing out of this world lately. We will have to run some labs to see if there is anything out of the ordinary. Bruins Wayne Sliwinski had everyone on pins and needles with his nifty dangle for a goal and his robust style of play. A young Terry O’Reilly as some media writers put it. For the Leafs, Alan “Pickle” Heron scored a beaut.

FLYERS 7 PENGUINS 2: The Flyers were buzzing like a Puff Daddy party. 4-0 only 3:29 into the game and they sat back and ate mozzarella sticks until the final horn. 3 players notched a pair while spare goalie Tony built a trump wall in the crease for the winners. Dave “Mayor of Scohaville” was sitting at the pool bar in Cuba but was stuck watching a 2012 baseball re-run on the resort tv. He missed his team’s best effort of the season and the after party that ensued.

MASTERS DIVISION:
BLACKHAWKS 4 FLYERS 1: The Blackhawks had umpteen players figure in the scoring as they defeated the Flyers 4-1. Flyers rented a short bus as they only had half a team. Hawks’ Bob Schweyer scored the goal of the year according to him.

STARS 5 FLAMES 1: Spare Goalie Alex filled in for a vacationing Brian Deanes as the Stars upended the Flames 5-1 for Guy Shaver sock night. First 10 fans through the turnstyle got a pair of lime green socks with an image of Guy on them for a keepsake. Mark Gillis bulged the twine twice for the winners while John Jansen replied for the Flames who have dropped 3 straight for the first time this season. Stars Chris Baratto complimented the zamboni driver after the game, praising his straight even lines he left behind. “it was definitely the TSN turning point in the game.”

BRUINS 6 KINGS 3: The mighty finally fell. A mixed bag of Bruin players found the scoresheet as they toppled the league leaders 6-3. Kings had won 6 in a row but a determined Bruin squad played a perfect road game, Swarming the Kings like a grass hat salesman on a Cuban beach. Great game guys!

REDWINGS 4 SHARKS 1: Didn’t I tell you guys the Redwings are going to turn their season around? They beat the over on Proline and dominated a fast Sharks squad, winning 4-1. Bill “webmaster” Curran scored a laser beam and added a ufo saucer pass for an assist for the winning side. Scott “Magic” Johnson could’ve tied his goalie pads upside down and still made ridiculous saves. He is guarding the crease like my cat Nuffers guards a can of soft salmon on the kitchen floor.

Well that wraps up another week of SCOHA action. Games are heating up and rivalries are getting more intense each week. This week is no exception. Shout out to the Masters player that wore a touque under his helmet over the weekend. Thought it was the Great Gazoo from the Flintstone’s out there for a second! Enjoy the rest of the week, fellas!

Chris Marttila