This Week in SCOHA – March 1st, 2022

Back from a week in the sun and sand, there’s a lot to catch up on. First off, let’s give a stick tap to John Annibale who is resting at home. This guy is a bulldog on the ice so we know he will get better soon and be back out there ready to go next season! John galvanizes the spirit of SCOHA hockey. I was talking to Gretz the other day and he even said he would love to have him on his team any day. Get well soon, fella!

JUNIOR DIVISION: FEB.25

FLYERS 6 OILERS 6: Are you kidding me? I went to the snack bar for a hotdog and a soda and I missed 3 goals for crying out loud! Flyers Clarence “what’s your clearance” Smith scored his first goal of the season and it was a beauty, upstairs where Norman Bates keeps his family, as his Flyers tied the Oilers 6-6. I had the over on this game for my proline ticket if anyone gives a care. 6 different flyers lit the ol’ lamp while that Steve Ditta kid continued to rewrite the record book, scoring a hatty and adding an apple for good measure. Flyers are now 3 points behind the Oil in the standings thanks to the 1 point while the Oilers sit 3 back of the first place Bruins.

REDWINGS 5 BRUINS 3: Huge win by the Redwings. John “I don’t care, just get in the” Carvalho scored a pair to lead the Wings over their arch nemesis Bruins 5-3 on a chilly Friday night. This Redwing team refuses to give up, they are like a salt and pepper grinder every shift. I can see them going deep into the playoffs even though there are only 4 teams. That Steve Cromwell guy is like Polkaroo at the rink, shows up when you least expect him to fill in when needed, no matter what the team is. He looks 16 out there but he is secretly 47. Ask him about his homemade hot sauces. Hotter than Judy Jetson. I soiled my drawers just thinking about them.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION: BLACKHAWKS 6 BRUINS 3: FEB.25 Hawks Marc “I hate Rogers, I prefer” Bellehumeur did everything but sing the damn anthems. He scored a natural hatty and threw in a pair of assists to help the hawks fly past the Bruins 6-3. Shawn James with some more goal scoring heroics, added a pair for the winners while 3 different Bruins scored. From all accounts, the Hawks had quite a gathering over at Clumsy’s Sports bar to watch the game. Hopefully fans will be permitted to come watch now that the restrictions have eased.

FLYERS 5 BLACKHAWKS 5: FEB.27 Well half the Hawks showed up back at the rink without airing out their gear. The locker room smelled like Ringling Brothers Circus was in town. That may have explained the slow start as the Flyers got off to a quick 3-0 lead before the hawks even knew what day it was. Flyers Jim Marentette went 63-0 at the faceoff dot again and even potted in a pair of goals to help solidify the tie. Hawks Shawn James scored 3 goals. This guy’s dizzying twists and turns will make anyone clap. By the way, shout out to old people, it’s the only way they can hear… Flyers Brok Hotrum is on a tear. Scores more than Fonzie on a Tuesday afternoon. He added another goal to his very productive season, a season that might get him resigned in the off-season.

CANADIENS 4 BRUINS 4: Habs’ Marco Berube bought one of those organic energy drinks from up at the bar and went out there with so much speed, he could’ve painted a house with a q-tip. Our 2nd natural hatty of the weekend as he helped his team gain a valuable point against the rival Bruins. Mike Desrorges did what he does best, get points. He added another goal and 3 assists to keep his place at the top of the division point race. Bruins Wayne Slewinski is ready to dominate like a skunk at a picnic. He had 2 goals and 2 assists for the B’s who appear to be getting everyone dialed in at just the right time. Playoffs are looming and the big captain is ready to play for the cup then bring it up to the bar to celebrate! Before we break away for a commercial, let’s talk about Yves Bisson who scored a goal and 2 assists. Yves can do a puzzle with a cat in the house he is so quick out there. He concentrates on the game like a locksmith trying to pick a combination on a safe. It’s paying off, he is having a productive season in both Intermediate and Junior division.

MASTERS DIVISION: What a battle in the Masters standings! Bill Curran points out that the “Masters race for top 4 has heated up. You need to place top 4 to get the easier round robin against the bottom 4. The top 2 are pretty much set, but 3 and 4 are up for grabs with 4 teams trying to get 2 spots. The upcoming matchups look interesting as the Sharks play the Flyers next week with huge implications, one of those 2 teams will probably fall out of the top 4.” Thanks Bill, things are shaping up for some pretty exciting games this weekend in the Masters loop!

BRUINS 6 STARS 0: Stars captain Chris Barratto suggested Indian food for his team before the game. Bad idea, Chris. His whole team gained 8 pounds before they even got on the ice. That’ll learn ya. Some new guy named Dave Armstrong remains hot, the opposite of a Yeti mug. 4 more goals to his league-leading tally as the Bruins folded up the Stars like a PEI map. What did you say? Oh ya, he also had an assist. Did anyone besides me see Gord “chicken fried” Bryce’s goal? I asked him about it after the game and this is a quote, “It was a beauty. I dumped the puck in from just outside the blue line and watched as it appeared to be right on net for an easy save. I turned back and started back towards our bench completely unaware that the overwhelming top-spin (Chinese mustard) I put on the puck caused it to bounce off the goalie popping up and over his head and landed behind him and rolled across the line into the net. I’ll take credit for any goal I can get…” That pretty well sums up what I saw. Anyways, despite the score, this was a great game.

FLAMES 6 FLYERS 0: What’s with the 6-0 scores fellas? All power has been restored in the Flames locker room after this one. 6 different players scored for the Flames who clearly frustrated a veteran Flyers lineup full of scoring punch. Flames goalie Ted Marszalek went home with the game puck. He recorded the 32 save shutout and also got an assist! From what I am hearing he even loaded up the team bus afterwards except for Marc Verrier’s hockey bag that smelled like a bad batch of broccoli.

REDWINGS 2 SHARKS 0: Redwings Denis “don’t you dare call me Celine” Dion had all the right verses as he scored a goal of the year candidate as the redwings shut out the Sharks 2-0. Hey Denis, before you get on the team bus can you come over and sign a few autographs? His rookie card went up 25 cents after this performance! Wings goalie Joe “near and” DeFaria posted the big shutout. He stopped everything but the coronavirus.

BLACKHAWKS 4 KINGS 2: Hawks captain and all-around nice guy Bill Kircos scored the eventual game winner as his team continued to climb the standing with a big 4-2 victory over the Kings. Newcomer Mike Haslam kept his scoring prowess in tact with a solid 2 goal effort for the winners. Kings Steve Smith continues to have a consistent season which is why they pay him the big bucks. He got out of his car to help a stranded motorist, lifted up their car so the person could change their tire. What a guy!

Anyways, that’s a wrap on another SCOHA weekend. See you all at the rink again this weekend. Keep your stick on the ice!

Chris Marttila