THIS WEEK IN SCOHA – September 20th, 2023

Welcome back, folks. This first blog of the season is brought to you by scrapbooking stores. I mean how many customers do they get in a week? maybe 8? Anyways, this season is a marathon, not a sprint as some genius once said 800 years ago. I refuse to continue this blog without voicing my displeasure with the climate protesters that forced a delay of 20 minutes by sitting at centre ice. We ask Guy Shaver and Dale Brons to leave their politics at home and let us play the damn game we all love. Thank you.

UNITED DIVISION:

FLYERS 7 OILERS 2: The Haslam’s showed up at the rink all serious, dressed like they just opened up Haslam, Haslam and Haslam law offices specializing in motorcycle accidents and personal injury. They brough their swagger out onto the ice and took care of the Oil 7-2. I think the ice was too slippery for the Oilers. I watched the game on a live internet feed as I was getting over a bout of Covid and lemme tell you something. I hated every second missing opening night. Ryan Haslam scored a deuce, so did Mike Rostecki. Rookie Dylan McInerney (say that last name fast 3 times) scored a goal and added 3 assists for the winners while 9’8” goalie Paul Gabrielle looked like that big mean snowman guy from Rudolph, stopping 28 shots for the W. The Oilers had their fair share of chances but the puck just didn’t go in. Apparently it has to in order to win.

SHARKS 7 BRUINS 4: I had the Bruins on my Proline ticket, not gonna lie, fellas. Bobby Tirnanic is filthier than a chili cheese corndog out there. He scored our first highlight-reel goal of this young season and even added a couple assists as the Sharks took a bite out of the Bruins 7-4. Shark’s Duane “Planet” Marzi played out of this world, scoring 2 and adding a helper for the winning side. For the B’s, Justin “Limeridge” Mol did all he could, scoring a hatty while Walt Blagdon tallied a pair of assists. Back to the video room for the Bruins and I have a feeling captain Nick Mol will have his group ready to win this upcoming weekend, you heard it here first.

BLACKHAWKS 3 REDWINGS 2: This was the Cable14 Game of the Week and both teams did not disappoint. Spare sniper Nathan “taco” Bellhumeur came to the rink with a red Bull in his pocket ready to prove himself to the media. His dad, Marc, assembled a team that is already cup contenders on paper. Consistency and a fearless attack will determine his team’s fate come playoff time, and he recognizes that. Mini Bellhumeur scored the eventual game-winner as the Hawks tripped up the Wings 3-2. For the Redwings, Al “pickled” Herron and Marco “see ya” Caiella scored in a losing cause. This Redwings team has garnered a lot of interest around the league. They will be just fine despite the opening week loss, trust me, boys and girls.

MASTERS DIVISION:

BRUINS 5 REDWINGS 0: Let’s pause for a sec and give a stick tap to Bruin’s Terrorist of the Twined Tent, Scott Johnson, who turned away all 34 shots he faced for the shutout as his B’s downed the Redwings 5-0. Steve “around the” Horner scored a goal and added an apple while the Golden Goose, Terry Hughes, appears to have made the game sheet with a big goal for the winners. Dale Brons, despite his protests earlier in the night, responded with a big snipe for the boys in black and gold. Redwings captain Terry Gudgeon played despite going for a root canal the next morning. Some nerve.

STARS 10 FLYERS 3: Eight different players lit up the sky as the Stars got past the Flyers 10-3. Folks, Stars GM and defensive specialist Chris Barratto studies game tapes, albeit on an old Magnasonic vcr, and knows every player's tendency. This Stars team has all the right tools to take the cup home and it's only week one.  For the Flyers, Guy "Remington 4-Blade" Shaver (aka Guy Daylight Shavings Time), Dave Graham, and Vince "don't call me Freddie" Mercuri scored. Back to Dave Graham for a second. This guy is far from his last crusade. He still has several seasons left in him and boy can he ever skate.  If I was a Masters Division rep, i would build my lineup around this guy. Flyers are looking for a mascot for their home games if anyone is looking for a bit of extra cash.

PENGUINS 4 KINGS 1: John Elter wears the Penguin jersey with honour and pride. Elter went out there, skated for miles, and threw in a goal and an assist for good measure as the Pens highlighted the Kings 4-1. Power forward Al "camp" Granata got into the act with a beauty goal to secure the victory. 6'8" Kings veteran Paul George had the lone marker in a losing cause. This guy makes the CN Tower look like a...  well a big tower.

BLACKHAWKS 3 SHARKS 2: Nick Miscione scored the game winner as the Hawks soared past the Sharks 3-2. Darren "Hey, pick me up half a dozen" Corneau was his usual productive self out there, scoring a goal and adding an assist for the winning side. This guy can play anywhere. A typical utility player who has the ability to go far in this league.

Well that puts a bow on a crazy week of hockey. Ticket sales are way ahead of last year's pace and merchandise sales have had a steady incline since training camps opened last week. Taking care of a bit of arena drama from this past weekend, we have solid proof that the concession stand does in fact use real butter on the popcorn, not that fake stuff.  That said, keep up the great pace, fellas. It's going to be a great season! Welcome to the new players on campus, you are all fitting in well.

Just a heads up, we are looking to fill some gaps in United Division. If you know someone that wants to take the leap to Scohaville, get them to register online, we will find them a team!

Have a great rest of the week, gang.

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blogologist / Stat Guy