This Week in SCOHA - March 8th, 2022

See the standings lately? What in the name of Bill Derlago is going on? Masters enter their last weekend of regular season games and so much is still yet to be decided. 4 teams are separated by 2 measly points!  Bruins Gord Bryce already has his pencil and notepad out trying to predict the final standings and playoff scenarios. Junior Division still has 3 games left before playoffs so anything can happen there. The Oilers are only 1 point back of the B’s for first and don’t count out the Flyers who are planning a late season drive for first. Intermediate Division is still up for grabs. We all know things can go sideways at any time, especially in the playoffs! Anyways, let’s dissect last week’s action before it gets too late…. 

JUNIOR DIVISION: 

FLYERS 3 REDWINGS 2: What does Ryan Haslam have for a pre-game meal? He scored the game winner to lift the Flyers over the Redwings 3-2. Fans don’t yell at Haslam when he enters the supermarket and his robust style of play is as rare as a one-eyed cat with only one nostril. Redwing’s sniper John “it’s a nice day out, think I’m gonna go wash the” Carvalho scored both goals in a losing cause. Reporters asked John after the game about his scoring prowess and he said, “It’s not about the goals, as long as we get the win at the end of the night”. You better shut up if you don’t think Carvalho will take this team on his shoulders for the whole playoffs. The framework is already in place for a huge contract extension. You didn’t hear it from me. 

OILERS 5 BRUINS 3: Ryan Bili scored a pair and his buddy Rob Bili added another as the Oilers slid by the Bruins 5-3 in front of an anxious Boston crowd Friday night. So much for Peter Tompkins Bobble-Head Night, the cagey veteran was a late scratch with what doctors called right knee soreness after Pete tried to lift 2 snowblowers onto a pickup truck at the same time while trying to hold a rye n coke (easy on the lime, keep the straw). Bruins Luca “I don’t like wine, I prefer a nice glass of vintage” LaPorta continued his hot streak, scoring a goal and adding a pair of assists. Dino LaPorta refused to be outdone, scoring a pair and adding a helper.  

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION: Friday 

CANADIENS 9 FLYERS 4: As an official SCOHA E-Columnist, I have to admit I didn’t see this score coming. 3 different players scored a pair to lift the Habs to a 9-4 white-wash of the resurging Flyers. Lemme tell ya, the Canadiens trio of Bill “aluminum” Foley and Mike DesRorges are in sync out there. They go together like a fresh braided strudel with a mug of hazelnut coffee. Both had 2 goals and an assist while veteran Sean Riley tallied his 1st of the season for the winners. At the other end of the ice, Captain Jason Hoffman continues to put points on the board. He scored a goal and added an apple in a losing cause. The former mayor of SCOHA, Dave Wichman was on hand to lend some advice from behind the Flyers bench but it wasn’t enough. Any team could use Wichman behind the bench. His best-in-class service to SCOHA along with his “can-do” approach to the sport provide ongoing continuity to all our league’s external partnerships. 

 

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION: Sunday 

BLACKHAWKS 7 BRUINS 3: Allow me to pick through the embers on this one. Some Chris Marttila guy had 3 assists for the Hawks. New stick, new game. But that is secondary to the game newcomer Dave Johnson had! 4 goals, this after a day full of snorkeling, hiking and camping. Where does this guy get the energy from? A depleted blueline core saw Blaine “ok everyone, place your” Betzold, Cory Herbert and Fudge Cromwell took care of things despite their team being assessed 5 minor penalties. Bruins also sent 5 players to the box, something that resembled an old 80’s Flames/Oiler game. Bruins got a goal from their towering forward Dwayne Kavanaugh. Lemme tell ya, folks, run into this guy at full speed and your pre-game soup and salad might come up while you slowly make your way back to the bench. We are all watching with vested interest to see what kind of contract Kavanaugh signs next year. Keep it right here for any off-season developments. 

CANADIENS 4 FLYERS 4: Habs #20 can’t be stopped. DesRorges scored another 2 goals as the Canadiens tied the Flyers 4-4, a rematch from 2 nights before. Flyers Brock “hot wheels” Hotrum scored a pair while Habs Marco Berube tallied 2. Some Flyers really wanted this win while a few were ok with the outcome. Did anyone stick around to watch this one? More ups and downs than the log ride at Canada’s Wonderland! Both goalies deserved a better outcome but are ok with the tie.  

MASTERS DIVISION: 

SHARKS 4 FLYERS 1: Mauris Cecca was smiling like the when the Footlocker guy came out of the back with your size runners. Cecca with the hat trick as the Sharks folded up the Flyers like a Halifax street map 4-1. Things started off on the wrong foot for the Flyers as dale Brons left his jersey in the dryer at home. Had to wear a black jersey and stuck out like a sore thumb out there. Shark’s goalie Tymen Edelkoort was bored. Apparently he would’ve rather work the overnight shift at mac’s Milk for crying out loud. At any rate, good all-round effort by the Sharks who took care of all areas of the ice. Fans went home happy and they move on to the next game. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy or whatever that saying is. 

REDWINGS 5 KINGS 0: Redwings netminder Joe DeFaria is ready for the playoffs. Speaking to reporters before the game, Joe seemed pretty confident his team will go far in the upcoming playoffs. His new pre-game ritual is catching up on all the antics and misadventures of Laverne & Shirley on CHCH to help relax his mind. Hey, if it works…  Wings Mike Christensen scored a pair and let’s talk about Bill Curran. He must sleep in olive oil he looks real good out there. Bill scored a beauty of a goal to help his team get the big W.  

BLACKHAWKS 6 BRUINS 3: Bruins were not happy with this loss. They looked madder than a wet hen up at the bar afterwards trying to go over what happened. A rejuvenated Blackhawk team took care of them 6-3. Fans threw their programs on the ice before they left and a fan who won the 50/50 draw gave back the $8 and told them to get some defence help. GM Gord Bryce was unavailable after the game for comment and did not return our call. Newcomer Mike Haslam scored again for the hawks who seem to have the ship running in the right direction just in time for playoff hockey. Captain Bill Kircos stuck around after the game to help load all the gear into the team bus while his teammates had some cold ones waiting. Despite the loss, Bruins Dave Armstrong reached the 40 point plateau for the 158th straight season. This guy has more than one trick in his hockey bag. I asked him after the game how many more seasons does he have in the tank. He isn’t going anywhere, folks. Again, you didn’t hear it from me. 

STARS 4 FLAMES 3: Stars Paul “jersey” Shorer scored his 3rd of the season which turned out to be the game winner as the Stars shifted past the Flames 4-3. The Stars jubilee celebrations in the locker room after the game showed everyone that they are beyond ready for the playoffs to start. Stars captain and GM Chris Barratto continues to learn Smoke on the Water with his new clarinet he got from Santa but hopes to get it all down pat before the end of the season. Flames Tim Manning scored quite the shorthanded goal that might make our plays of the week. Flames were missing 5 players for this game. They were so sore, they all ran out of the arena afterwards like they had a bad case of runny bum. 

Well that about covers all the action from last week. We are staring the barrel of the end of the regular season. Masters just has this weekends games then they dive right into week 1 of playoff action while the rest of us have a few games remaining to get some last-minute wrinkles ironed out. Have a great rest of the week, leave the fan on if you have to, and keep your stick on the ice. 

Chris Marttila 

SCOHA E-columnist