This Week in SCOHA – January 1st, 2020

I’m sure there’s a lot of players hanging like an olive today after last night’s festivities, but the SCOHA Blog Headquarters is business as usual. Some bigtime scorers came to the rink last week ready to bulldoze the opposition while others drove to the arena to give it a sporting chance despite a persistent cough with phlegm. Let’s roll back the game film and review a busy last week of action at the epicenter of adult hockey culture….

JUNIOR DIVISION:

BRUINS 4 PENGUINS 0: Bruins are rolling… 6 wins out of 7, this time, a 4-0 whitewashing of the Penguins who gave it their all but fell a bit short. Captain Greg Lintott played one hell of a hockey game. A goal and 2 assists propelled his team to victory. Lintott loves guitars, boots and big trucks. His knowledge of the game leapfrogs over anyone who wished to try and out duel him out there. That’s why he is captain of this franchise. Bruins goalie’s name wasn’t on the game sheet again so give Polkaroo the shutout.

FLYERS 5 OILERS 2: Five different Flyers got in on the goals as they crash landed the Oilers 5-2 in front of a spirited crowd of 8. Rumour has it Flyers’ Ryan Haslam constantly called the Oilers hotel the night before the game crunching celery in an attempt to keep the Oilers from sleeping. Haslam picked up a goal and a helper for his club and took home the game puck. Oilers Charlie Polizzi scored both goals in a losing cause.

BLACKHAWKS 4 REDWINGS 2: Spare goalie Tim Vissor plays goalie better than Tony Esposito in his prime. He turned away 42 shots to help the Hawks get a big in over arch rival Redwings. 2 wins in a row for the Hawks who went winless in 5 before this mini streak. Hawks Dennis Cybalski lead the way with a goal and an assist while at the other end of the ice, Ross “Seabass” Lacasse scored both goals for the Wings.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

BRUINS 7 FLYERS 2: This game was as disappointing as a non-salted pretzel as the Flyers lost a tough one 7-2 to the big bad Bruins. The Bruins fold Do Not Fold envelopes, they don’t care. Meanwhile the Flyers game plan on this night ended up with more knots than a sailboat. The Flyers announced the addition of iron league star Paul MacInnis to their lineup to try and save their season. Back to the Bruins, these guys haven’t lost in 4 games and are starting to turn their season around. #71 in your program Kevin Feist played a strong game, picking up 2 points for the winners. Sidenote: Up by a handful of goals, Sliwinski had a shorthanded breakaway but just shot the puck into the corner out of respect, showed some class and it was recognized post game.

LEAFS 3 BLACKHAWKS 0: Garnett Wilson had the cellophane wrapped around the net, nothing was getting by this kid. An impressive 3-0 shutout win over the 5th place Blackhawks as Leafs newcomer Dave “Kit” Kat scored in his debut to a thunderous ovation from the Leaf faithful. Leaf captain Paul Cleary’s closed-door player meetings seem to be working as his team is starting to climb the standings in a big way.

PENGUINS 8 CANADIENS 4: Bob Tenison had another great game. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. 3 goals and 4 assists while his teammate Joe Millin scored 5 goals and an apple as someone finally solved the Canadiens defense, good grief. Tenison skated like a deer out there, got showered up, then cleaned the plastics out of the damn lake for crying out loud. All in a day’s work.

MASTERS DIVISION:

BLACKHAWKS 3 FLYERS 2: Blackhawk’s Spicy B Frank Bortolin scored a pair of goals including the game winner as the Hawks got by the Flyers 3-2. The Protector of the Painted Plumbing, goaltender Tymen Edelkoort, kept Flyers superstar Dave Armstrong at bay, holding his to only one goal. Feel sorry to whoever plays Dave this weekend, he is going to rip his jersey off and turn green.

BRUINS 7 REDWINGS 0: Where do these guys get the energy? I complain when I have to get up and answer the doorbell. Troy from the island of Izlakar scored the last 4 Bruins goals as the B’s kept the train a rollin’ with a 7-0 win over the Wings. “It was like being soaked from the rain then a transport goes by and soaks you even more”, said a beleaguered Ed Walton after the game.

KINGS 4 STARS 4: The Stars brought out the assist machines for this one. The passing was outrageous, more saucers than a coffee shop. Stars’ Chris Baratto has been stuck to the rink ceiling for 3 days, missed New Years, after his spin-a-rama celly when he went top shelf for a nice goal. Hopefully he lands back on his feet for this week’s game. Pat McAleese dropped a deuce for the Stars who are playing some good hockey lately behind the goaltending of Richard “Salt” Paquet. Kings’ tendy Scott Johnson didn’t get his Colecovision game he wanted for Christmas so he was in a bit of a sour state all night, declined comment postgame.

SHARKS 7 FLAMES 3: The Flames have dropped 2 straight and are wondering where their swagger went. Nick Misconi is fitting in well with this speedy Shark lineup. 3 goals of the highlight reel variety as they doused the Flames 7-3. Let’s pause for a second and talk about Flames promising young upstart Paul “Jersey” Shorer. A 2nd round pick in the 1981 entry draft, Shorer adds some grit to a Flames team who play a grinding dump and chase game. His junior days saw him win Memorial Cups and he medaled at the World Juniors. His experience will be key as the Flames continue their push for the playoffs. Sharks Guy “Remington XF8550” Shaver smoothed things out on the ice, scoring 2 goals and adding an assist for comfort as the Sharks are swarming now.

Well my dinner is getting cold, that’s all the time we have for this week. Good luck this weekend fellas and hope you all have a Happy New Year!

Chris Marttila