This Week in SCOHA – September 26th, 2019

Please put your seats in the upright position, make sure your seat belt is securely fastened, we are ready for take off on another installment of This Week in SCOHA…  oh.. and please view responsibly.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

REDWINGS 7 OILERS 5: Ok guys, you can slice it anyway you want, this Redwings team is the real deal. Al Ringer has a glove hand that can slice tomatos and his supporting cast have scored 21 goals in their first 3 damn games. Captain Yves Bisson was overheard whistling the Globetrotter song while skating down the ice. A huge 7-5 win over the Oil finds the Wings 2-0-1 to start the season. Dino Laporta fired home a hatty while Oilers Alfonzo Tinebra dropped a deuce in a losing cause.

BLACKHAWKS 5 BRUINS 4: Hawks Kyle Oswald is all over the game sheet like Auston Matthews at an underwear party.

He sat in the box for 4 minutes and also chipped in with 2 assists to preserve the win. Bruins Justin “Limeridge” Mol scored a hat trick for the Bruins who had 2 powerplays but couldn’t convert. They would have a better chance nailing jello to the wall than blame the refs on this night.

FLYERS 7 PENGUINS 1: Ryan Haslam had a can of Jolt Cola pre-game which seemed to be the difference as the Flyers wore out the Pens 7-1. Dave Johnston tallied 3 points for the winners while Jeffrey Barry scored the lone Penguins goal. Flyers goalie Tony Topolovec could’ve played with one of my dad’s black socks wrapped around his eyes, this guy is that good. Trust me, it’s like shooting pucks into a keyhole with this guy in net.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

BRUINS 3 CANADIENS 1: Is anyone stopping Bruins’ Tim Pettitt. He loomed large with a goal and an assist as his Bruins snuck by the Canadiens 3-1 in front of a full house at the Cogeco rink. Bruins now sit atop the standings with an unblemished 3-0 record while the Habs are a close 2 points behind.

FLYERS 3 LEAFS 3: Alan Herron continued his tear with a goal and 2 apples as the Leafs and Flyers both went home happy with a 3-3 tie. Conrad Allard chipped in with a goal and a helper for the Flyers who are working hard but the wins will come says captain Dave Wichman. Flyers get the stingy Penguins this week which will be a true test on how the Flyers are gelling as a team.

PENGUINS 4 BLACKHAWKS 0: On the TSN game of the night, Bob Tenison used the opposite end of his stick and still scored a hatty. This guy pulls the team bus game in and game out. Well worth the 88 million dollar bridge deal he signed over the summer. Blackhawks Brock Hotrum refused comment after the game for unknown reasons but said he will be available for media this week.

MASTERS DIVISION:

STARS 3 REDWINGS 2: In a game of musical chairs in the nets, the Stars came out the victors 3-2 over a hard working Redwings club. Terry Gudgeon had a large triple triple and went out there and recorded 2 assists for the Wings who will gain their stride, just a matter of time. Just like last year, take this advice for free…. I predict a big turnaround for this team.

SHARKS 5 KINGS 1: The Jim Albanese Express made all station stops at the Liuna rink, scoring 2 beauts and adding a helper as his Sharks steamrolled past the Kings 5-1. You can boil it any way you want, this guy can play the game. Get a hold of his hockey card before you have to spend way too much on Ebay. Signed pucks: $20 no questions.

FLAMES 2 BLACKHAWKS 2: Flames Ghislain Piche had a goal and an assist as his Flames tied the Hawks 2-2 in front of an announced crowd of 4. Both teams skated hard, more ups and downs than a dumb Hallmark Christmas movie. Both teams shook hands, had some laughs, then went up to the bar for a glass of milk.

FLYERS 4 BRUINS 4: Bruins Gord “the Bryce is right” had a steady serving of pasta and chicken before the game. Oh it showed, the guy was all over the place like an election lawn sign. 2 Gretzky-like goals that made the Sportsnet plays of the night helped his team tie the Flyers 4-4. The Dave Armstrong summary saw the superstar record a goal. Pretty good job holding him off the sheet. Other teams have requested game film of this one.

Well that about does it for this week. 6 teams still haven’t lost yet but look out this week. A lot of close games and fans are realizing this is some damn good hockey to watch. Popcorn could be a bit fresher in the lobby but we will work on that. Hope everyone had a great week. Rest up for Sunday, you’ve got a big game!

 

Chris Marttila