This Week in SCOHA – January 18th, 2023

Ok, gang, there’s a few players in this league who could play in the KHL with a Northface winter jacket under their jersey, no shoulder pads, no elbow pads, and still pile up Bedard-like numbers. Every game is too simple. Don’t we all wish. The rest of us are just trying to keep the damn puck moving. A few United games got the barn buzzin’ on Friday night. Fans were so loud, the players couldn’t hear the refs whistle. Let’s take the lid off and see what things looked like last week in Scohaville.

 

 

FRI. JAN.13TH UNITED DIVISION:

 

FLYERS 3 BRUINS 1: This game certainly lived up to the pre-game hype the newspapers wrote about. A boatload of penalties and some pretty competitive action at both ends of the rink. In the end, the Flyers prevailed 3-1. Mike Haslam scored the game winner while Chris Conroy scored the lone goal for the B’s. The standings atop the United Division couldn’t be any tighter if they tried. Both goalies stood on their heads all night, no idea how but they did.

 

 

SHARKS 7 BLACKHAWKS 1: Didn’t see this one coming, folks. This Sharks team is more predictable that a Hallmark Christmas flick. Greg Lintott bulged the twine 3 times as the boys in teal cruised past the Hawks. The only comments reporters got from the Hawks after this one were that the leading cause of dry skin is a towel. Only good news on this night was Dave Johnson’s heroic effort that led to a nice goal. Sharks newcomer Jordan Ringler fit in okay in his first bit of SCOHA action, scoring a nice goal as he went upstairs to the attic where gramps keeps the flashlight then added another snipe for good measure. Good start, kid.

 

 

MASTERS DIVISION:

 

FLYERS 10 BRUINS 2: Gord Bryce yanked the rest of his hair out after this one but you know what, he still cracked a smile up at the bar and coined the old phrase, “We’ll get em next week”. That’s the kind of GM you want looking after your team. Flyers Ken Wiersma scored a natural hat trick. For the ladies, that is 3 goals consecutively. If anyone was watching this game, there would’ve been a couple hats thrown on the ice but there wasn’t so there.  Dale Scott also had a hatty and Guy “the power must be off because there’s something wrong with my” Shaver chipped in with a pair for the winners. That new guy, Dave Armstrong only got a goal and 4 assists.. pfffff

 

 

SUNDAY. JAN.15TH UNITED DIVISION:

 

FLYERS 8 SHARKS 2: The Sharks weren’t swirling around the waters like they did Friday night. Brent and Ryan Haslam (the Duke boys) both scored a pair as the flyers folded up the Sharks like a Manitoba street map. Veteran Dino “diceman” Giudice also got in on the fun, scoring a sweet goal that we are all still shaking our heads about. This guy is as reliable as an old Polaroid camera. He signed a 2 year contract with the Flyers after a brief stint with the Dog River Riverdogs of the East Coast Iron League.

 

BLACKHAWKS 6 OILERS 4: This game had everything but a photo of a herd of elephants having a nap together for crying out loud. The Hawks were missing 7 players including Walt Blagdon who accidentally swallowed a plastic horse. His condition remains stable. Anyways, spare call-up Jeff “ole ole ole” Nolet controlled the play from the get-go. 3 goals for the youngster as the hawks held off the Oilers 6-4. Dave Johnson scored again, so did Andrew “I can see for” Miles. For the Oilers, Jim “didn’t get the gold but will settle for” DaSilva tallied 2 goals along with speedster John Carvalho. This guy could skate up a hill backwards, lemme tell ya.

 

BRUINS 4 CANADIENS 1: Four different B’s lit the lamp as they stung the Habs 4-1 in an original 6 battle. Bruins rookie Jeremy Lepore certainly knows how to pore on the intensity out there. It will be tough to send him back down to the minors after this game. For les habitants, Andrew Baker scored a beauty unassisted. Didn’t need any help, just did it his own damn self. Bruins goalie Brad Ballman wrapped his arms with the Hamilton Mountain News for more protection and it helped.

 

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ASTERS DIVISION:

 

STARS 5 SHARKS 4: Stars Bruno DiGiovanni is so smooth out there he could sell 500 threads of Egyptian cotton to a guy that doesn’t put sheets on his bed. Another goal for this sharpshooter as the Stars snuck past the Sharks 5-4. Dale Brons was absent for this one after he ate a bad falafel from Claudette’s before the game. 5 different scorers made the game sheet, including Alfonso “double d” Tinebra who is now 4 goals back of Ron Ellis on the all-time goal list. For the Sharks, John Elter and Ed Aitchinson scored a pair in a losing cause.

 

FLAMES 3 BLACKHAWKS 1: This game was great to watch from what I heard. The Flames scored a late empty-netter but things were pretty even for the whole game. Dave Graham crusaded the Flames to victory with the eventual game winner but the story here is that Tymen Edelkoort actually let in a goal. He was promptly put on unconditional waivers after the game for the purpose of terminating his contract. He felt shame but will play better next time.

 

PENGUINS 3 BRUINS 3: A tough point gained by both teams after this spirited game. Bruins were missing their sparkplug Terry Hughes who hopes to back in the lineup sooner than later. If he plays one more game, GM Gord Bryce owes him a lofty $10.00 bonus as part of his lucrative contract. The Penguins got goals from mike Christensen, Frank “peanut butter” Jambrosich and Terry Lee. Gary Guthro scored a pair for the Bruins who are in the thick of things in the standings, lurking in the weeds as you will.

 

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EDWINGS 5 FLYERS 0: This was the Pepto Bismol upset of the week, folks. Goaltender Gord “magic” Johnson was called upon to lace up the pads for the redwings. He ended up stopping 42 shots for the shutout as the Wings took care of the Flyers 5-0. Larry Sipos dropped a deuce for the winners while Dave Armstrong sco…. Oh wow, he didn’t get a point, I can’t believe it. Great game by the redwings who can play with the big boys. Watch out for these guys as we start to think about playoff matchups.

 

 

Well that wraps up last weeks action… by the way, ever see the size of the chicken wrap upstairs at the bar? Thing is the size of a toilet seat, you should try one. That’s it from this end of the ice, have a great rest of the week, see you this weekend.

 

NOTE: Above the SCOHA trophy case upstairs at the bar, there is a new display where you can mull over the standings. We will try and have the current standings printed off and posted there each week. If in doubt, the website will be updated also.

 

Chris Marttila

 

SCOHA Blogolgist / stat guy