This Week in SCOHA – February 11th, 2020

Well, several teams have pushed all their chips into the middle and are ready for playoff action while some teams are still trying to shake the rust off from the summer. It’s still early…
Let’s sort through the wreckage from last week’s action down at the ol’ Scoha Olympia. Warning: Some items up for discussion may cause nausea, nosebleeds, and explosive diarh… you get the idea.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

REDWINGS 6 BLACKHAWKS 1: The Wings cleaned up the Hawks with a pair of Dyson shop vacs by the score of 6-1. Ross Lacasse and Joe “Thank you Very” Muchynski both dropped a deuce for the winners while Ron Cybalski replied for the Hawks. Redwings are looking for blood come playoff time, that’s all I have to say about that.

BRUINS 5 PENGUINS 1: Bruins' Andrew Clark drove the team bus, filled up the water again, then went out there and scored a pair and set up another. If he didn’t go home with the game puck, I will eat my wallet. Cory Hall hasn’t lost that lovin’ feeling (bad 80’s music pun) as he scored a beauty for the winning side. Penguins Jeff “Hwy 400” Barry scored a goal that almost knocked the damn net over.

OILERS 4 FLYERS 1: Oilers' Mike Czepita scored a big 2nd period goal to lead the Oil to a hard fought 4-1 win over the Flyers. Flyers were missing 4 key ingredients but gave it their all. Stick tap to Tim Vissor who filled in for the Flyers in net. His “vissor” was just a bit fogged on a few goals. Flyers game puck went to Dean McLaren who scored the lone goal for his team.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

CANADIENS 4 PENGUINS 2: Canadiens' goaltender Bill Templeman is very sneaky out there. He is actually the llama on The Masked Singer. Without their promising young upstart, Mike Miscio in the lineup, other players stepped up to defeat the powerhouse Penguins 4-2. Jason Beaulieu and Bill “Aluminum” Foley wrapped up a pair of goals each and threw the Penguins in the oven at 425 for 35 minutes. Pens got goals from usual suspect, Bob Tenison, and Paul Allain.

BRUINS 3 FLYERS 1: The Flyers got the rubber end of the plunger again. They showed a tremendous amount of hustle but with only 2 forward lines, simply ran out of gas in the final period. Bruins Brian Powell scored a hatty while Tim Pettitt set up all 3 for the winners. Most of the Flyers went home with lungs feeling like they smoked a pack of Rothman’s as they skated their asses off trying to get at least a point.

LEAFS 4 BLACKHAWKS 3: With only 3 players on the Hawks bench, there was enough legroom for 18 long legged Broadway musical dancers to do that New York, New York annoying dance they do in a line. Hawk players were looking for oxygen tanks all night and came close to scoring at the end. Leaf defence set up a Trump wall all night and they hung on for the win. Allan Herron reeled in a pair for the Leafs while 3 different scored replied for the Hawks. Talk about an exhausted club afterwards. The arena guy went in to clean up the room and they were all snoring on the damn floor.

MASTERS DIVISION:

SHARKS 5 REDWINGS 0: We should all be fearing the Sharks from now until the golf clubs come out. These guys are my favourites going into the playoffs. Larry Litzgus is scoring more than ex-Patriots star Rob Gronkowski at a bingo hall. 3 more goals in this game as he angling to be the best player in Sharks history, even played with his skates on the wrong feet! Brian Deanes had the Handy Wrap across the goal crease, recording the shutout, turning away 43 shots for the bagel. Downtown Lenny brown scored a goal of the year candidate, at least that’s what he said.

KINGS 2 FLYERS 1: Scott “Get Off My Lawn” Johnson had all the answers on this night. Turned away 37 shots to preserve the big win in front of family and friends. He is trying to force a memorable legacy between the pipes for a Kings franchise that is beyond hungry for a championship. Fans continue to come out in droves but will start not showing up if they don’t make a deep plunge into the playoffs this year. Season ticket sales have sagged over the past 2 seasons but Johnson remains optimistic the Kings can return to glory, just like they did back in 93’. The sky was rather Munish that night as Munish Baranowski scored with a missile and Gary Guthro snuck home the eventual game winner.

STARS 3 FLAMES 3: Word surfaced during the postgame media scrums that Stars Chris Barratto was awarded 2 goals that were actually put into the net by a Flames player. Barratto laughed and said, “Hey, when people look on the back of my hockey card, it doesn’t say how the goals were scored…” He smiled like he slept with a hanger in his mouth as he spoke to reporters. Did anyone see Flames’ Marc Verrier’s goal? Made Wayne Gretzky look a Bad News Bear for crying out loud… “Great back and forth game by both sides as they “gear” up for the playoffs, said Flames wiley veteran Keith Gear.

BRUINS 6 BLACKHAWKS 2: 6 different Bruins lit the lamp as they folded up the Hawks like a B.C. map by the score of 6-2. Bruins were called for more hooks than a bass tournament as the ref penalized them for 3 minors. Bruin fans continue to travel with their team when they are on the road, most devoted fan base in all of Scoha. Blackhawks Bill Kircos isn’t ready to throw in the towel on a tough season, though. He had his team push the team bus down the Mountain Brow and halfway up Fennell Ave until he let them in to get warm. An old school captain, Kircos broke out the Betamax and spent most of Monday going over game films to try and figure out new line combinations.

Well that’s about it from this end of the ice. Masters division regular season ends this weekend while the other 2 divisions have 2 weeks remaining. This slugger will be on vacation later this month so I will be asking my assistant blogger-in-chief Chris “chili cheese” Barratto to fill in for a week. Have a great rest of the week, keep your stick on the ice, and we will see how this weekend unravels.

Almost forgot, hop onto the SCOHA website to see the details on tie-breaker rules for the end of the regular season and in the playoffs, riveting but very informative just in case teams are tied...

Chris Marttila