This Week in SCOHA – February 10th, 2022

Well folks, the SCOHA Convoy rolled back into town this past weekend, minus the car horns from our many fans and supporters from coast to coast and around the globe. Did you catch any of the Junior games Friday night? Talk about some fast hockey! All 4 teams beat Usain Bolt by half an hour they were so fast. Anyways, while arena crews get the red lights replaced above the nets from all the scoring last week, let’s unmask the goings on before this report gets delayed another day…  

 

JUNIOR DIVISION: 

BRUINS 7 FLYERS 5: His name is Luca. He lives on the 2nd floor. (80’s music reference) Bruins’ star rookie Luca LaPorta is climbing the ranks of SCOHA and he is signing autographs with a green sharpie just to be different. 2 goals and 3 helpers to lift the B’s to a 7-5 shootout at the Stampede Coral. Let’s not leave out another Bruin who has found his niche in this famed league who is Verrier, Verrier good: Noah Verrier, who’s great grandpa Marc still laces them up most weekends, has gotten even better and faster each week. Noah had a goal and an assist to earn himself some praise from his whole team. 

Flyers have dropped 3 out of 4 and have already booked the ice for 2 extra practices this. Captain Mike Haslam told reporters that 7 goals against is a workplace behaviour violation and he will not tolerate it, adding that he got his Betamax version of Happy Days Season 4 untangled so his team will have a few video sessions as well to keep things light in the room. Brent Haslam did all he could, scoring a pair while Ryan chipped in with a goal and 3 apples in a losing cause, padding his stats for the back of next years hockey card… 

 REDWINGS 9 OILERS 6: Confirmed outbreak of goals… good grief! All power has now been restored in the Redwings locker room thanks to a 9-6 win over their arch rival Oilers. 7 different players scored for the Wings who were winless in 4 going into this one. John and Angelo work well as a team, sounds like an old barber shop. Well they helped trim back the Oilers with a #2 behind the ears and are back in the thick of things... Oilers 3 game winning streak comes to a halt but captain Steve Ditta didn’t sound too concerned while talking to the media post game. Shout out to Oilers Chris Carlton who sniped his first 2 of the season. He was holding out for the tail end of the season just so you know. 

 INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:  

BLACKHAWKS 6 FLYERS 2: Flyers were down more bodies than a 10-day all-inclusive cruise on the Titanic, cheese and rice! Heaps of praise afterwards for Flyers Scott “double big” Maki who played well out there, scoring a goal and an assist in a losing cause. He left it all on the ice, hope he collected all his belongings before he went home. For the Hawks, Tim “I still can’t believe you are afraid of dogs, just go” Pettitt came to the rink ready to make a difference. 2 goals and an assist to gain 1st star recognition. Marc “hop in the” Poulin also had a great game, recording a pair of goals for the division leaders. Stick tap to Bill Templeman for filling in between the pipes. He was smiling like he slept with a hanger in his mouth all game, was happy to be back. 

BRUINS 5 CANADIENS 5: I had the under on this game, ruined my proline ticket. Habs Mike Desrorges led the way with 2 goals while Bill “aluminum” Foley sealed up 2 assists and put it in the fridge for later as the Canadiens and Bruins both went home happy thanks to a 5-5 tie. Both teams wanted this one badly but were fine talking a point home with them. 5 different Bruins lit the lamp as they were without team leader Wayne Slewinski who was taking his Christmas lights down without a ladder. He will be ready for the playoffs, we all know that! 

 MASTERS DIVISION: 

FLYERS 6 REDWINGS 2: The Redwings got stomped like a nark at a biker rally. Make the final 6-2 Flyers as Ghislain “Winona” Piche and Dan “yuk yuks” McLaughlin both scored twice for their 4th straight victory. These guys are rolling as the playoffs loom, watch out for them, you heard it here first, fellas. Redwings Steve “100” Watt lit the lamp for the Wings who look to get back in the winning column this weekend. Let’s stop for a second and cheers Flyers goaltender and avid reader Richard Paquet who didn’t pack it in for this game, he played some air tight hockey in the Flyers crease. By the way, there are Masters games early Sunday afternoon this week in lieu of the Superbowl later on. Watch your ticker for scores… 

 STARS 5 KINGS 4: What in the name of Troy Izlakar is going on here???? This guy uses analytics to calculate which way the goalie’s pads will move by the millimetre. His new biometrics certainly paid off as he scored ALL 5 GOALS in a Stars 5-4 win over the Kings. Troy is the gold standard when it comes to an all-around player in this league. His style of play is as rare as handball shoes and he brings this fearless energy every week. King’s goalie Joe “I say high, you say” LoCiccero had no answer for the Stars on this night but will watch some game tapes on his viewmaster before this week’s games. 

 BLACKHAWKS 4 SHARKS 3: The Hawks are revving things up at the most opportune time, boys and girls. A big 4-3 win overt he Sharks thanks to 2 goals from Tony “it’s a little chilly, lemme throw on a” Vastano helped the surging Hawks. 6 penalties were called so you know the playoffs are right round the corner. These Blackhawks don’t let the cement harden. They come to the rink ready to play a hard game. The Sharks have dropped 3 of 4 but on a positive note, we haven’t seen a mosquito in months… 

 BRUINS 8 FLAMES 4: Welcome back John Annibale! The return of this SCOHA hero and future hall of famer was foiled by a stingy Bruin team 8-4 in front of 1 fan, the Zamboni driver. How he lost the 50/50 draw is beyond me, we are still investigating. Dave Armstrong needs to use the other end of his stick to make it fair. 5 goals and 3 assists to add to his record point totals. This guy stepped on a rake, drank out of a water fountain, robbed a bank and still had a great game. Nothing short of fantastic, great game Dave! Flames John Janson jingle-heimer smith scored 2 goals for the Flames and these were both highlight of the year candidates. 

 Well that’s all from this end of the ice. Junior and Masters play this weekend while Intermediate have the weekend off to heal their bumps and bruises. Hope you all have a great rest of the week, it was great seeing everyone again. I am predicting a 46-16 win for the Rams for the Superbowl if anyone is asking… 

 Chris Marttila