THIS WEEK IN SCOHA – October 26th, 2021

Those toffees in the orange wrapper taste like dirt warmed over. I would rather get a mini bran muffin or a lousy apple. Anyways, what a crazy week of SCOHA action last week. Fans are starting to come out in droves, the 50/50 draws are getting bigger and there’s now beer specials up at the lounge, what could possibly go wrong? Let’s dive into the games and we’ll find out…

JUNIOR DIVISION

OILERS 5 BRUINS 2: Steve Ditta has come into this season hotter than the roof of your mouth after sneaking a meatball out of the slow cooker before dinner. Ditta had 4 goals as the oil slipped past the Bruins 5-2. Both teams are now tied for the division lead with identical 2-1 records. Bruins hold the slight edge scoring 2 more goals so far this season. Oilers newcomer Tayler Tompkins ain’t no slough, he helped out with 3 assists for the winners. Bruins were led by Noah “the Arc” Verrier with a goal and an assist.

FLYERS 4 REDWINGS 2: Mike Haslam plays more rugged than the all-new 2022 Nissan Highlander. The power forward scored a goal and added a helper as the Flyers shot down the Redwings 4-2 in front of an announced crowd of 9. Flyers rookie Jess Sommers is as smooth as butter on a loaf of Zarky’s olive bread. Don’t believe me, try it for yourself. You’re welcome.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

BRUINS 3 BLACKHAWKS 2: The Bruins came to the rink seeking revenge after a dismal 7-2 thumping last week to les Canadiens. A solid effort between the piped by Tim Visser guided the B’s to a 3-2 squeeker over the previously undefeated Hawks. Wayne Sliwinski set the tone for the Bruins, his bull in a China shop style of play got his bench going. By the way, in China, do they just call it a shop? Anyways, Hawks rookie Marc “Taco’ Bellehumeur and the other Marc (Poulin) led the way with a goal and an assist each in a losing cause.

CANADIENS 8 FLYERS 7: Habs rookie Mike Desrorges walked into the arena with sneakers and no belt as if the game was no biggie. He scored a hatty and added an assist as the Habs staved off the Flyers 8-7. Both goalies would rather roll this one into a yoga mat and tuck it behind the sofa after 15 goals were scored. This game resembled a 1982 Oilers/Kings game, wide open play and plenty of faceoffs at centre ice. Game tapes will be looked over and both teams guarantee a better defensive game this upcoming weekend. Flyers continue to get strong play from their new leader Jason Hoffman. He added to his count with a goal and 2 assists as the Flyers fell to 0-2-1 to start the campaign.

MASTERS DIVISION:

REDWINGS 5 STARS 5: Another high scoring game for the fans! Redwings rookie mike Christenson led the way with 2 goals and 2 apples while at the other end of the ice, Troy “from the land of” Izlakar scored a goal and 2 assists for the Stars. Let’s pause and talk about redwings veteran Larry “ballroom” Litzgos. Constantly racking up the points while also looking after his defensive game. Add another 2 goals and a helper to his season tally and he is definitely in the top 5 filthy SCOHA players right now (not up for discussion)

BRUINS 7 FLYERS 2: Bruins, with their 7-2 win over the Flyers, jump into the mix for the division lead. Joe “thank you very” Muchynski had 2 cans of orange Fanta pre-game which was more than enough energy for his 3 goals on the night. Gord Bryce left his jersey on the clothesline outside all weekend even though it rained. He threw on #63, and went out there and got 2 assists. Stick with Brad marchands #63, Gord! Flyers Dale Brons hung out in the penalty box for 4 minutes. Brons spoke to Toronto Sun reporter Steve simmons after the game and realized his team needs his sickmitts specials on the gamesheet, not penalty minutes. Watch for this kid to light it up this upcoming weekend. Heard it here first.

FLAMES 4 BLACKHAWKS 2: Gary Guthro is slicker than 2 steel wheels in a bucket of lard. Folks, he is just getting started this season. A goal and a helper like he’s done it a million and 8 times as the Flames burned out the Hawks 4-2. Veteran Jason Anderson had a strong game as well, scoring a goal and an assist for the winners. Back to the drawing board for the hawks who find themselves 0-3 to start the year. Bill Kircos blames a lackluster warmup for their struggles. Watch for a better result this week, they are just knocking the dust off. Hashtag fasthockey.

SHARKS 8 KINGS 2: 7 different players scored for the Sharks as they surrounded the Kings and snacked on them 8-2. Sharks 5th goal was assisted by Ron Cooper, couldn’t have seen a better setup on Plenty of Fish for crying out loud. Lemme tell ya something, gang, this Kings team is too talented to turn this season upside down. Player-only meetings have already taken place and veteran Dave Langille, Mike Vanderzee, and Guy Shaver have told reporters that the Kings will be there contending for the cup real soon. I believe them. 8 bucks says they make the playoffs.

Lastly, apologies to the anthem singer after my comments last week. She dragged things out even longer because of my comments and it’s all my fault. Apologies and a half now keep the song moving quicker for all of us, we have to get up early in the morning….

Have a great rest of the week, fellas and keep your stick on the ice!

Chris Marttila