THIS WEEK IN SCOHA – October 4, 2021

New this season is the SCOHA Lost and Found: Lungs and groins were scattered around the ice like a bag of spare screws from an Ikea bookcase. Call the rink to identify. Welcome back fellow Scoha-ians!!!  Let’s unmask the first week of the season, but let me warn you, some jabs might hurt a bit … 

First off let’s give a stick tap to the staff at the rink who made the screening go pretty smooth and quickly.  

Junior Division:  BRUINS 5 FLYERS 1: New kid filled the gamesheet. Luca Laporta was brought on board to add some scoring punch to a lineup that is overflowing with grit and tenacity. He scored a pair and added 2 assists as the Bruins roared by the Flyers 5-1. Fans were pretty happy to be back watching their Junior SCOHA heroes back in action. A 2-for-1 ticket drive organized by Bruins wiley veteran Peter Thompkins gave the B’s all the energy they needed. Rumour has it Thompkins jumped the vaccine lineup… literally! He arrived to camp in the best shape he has ever been in. 

REDWINGS 6 OILERS 3: Ryan French toasted the Oilers with a goal and 2 assists as the RedWings doubled up the Oilers 6-3. Tony Danza… make that Angelo Fidanza also added a goal and 2 assists, showing everyone he is the boss and is guaranteeing a great season on the scoresheet. Fidanza has so much patience out there, imagine how easy it is for him to slow cook ribs. Oilers Steve Ditta isn’t no slouch. He continued where he left off 19 months ago, tallying 2 goals and wore out one end of the ice during warmup. 

Intermediate Division:  BLACKHAWKS 6 CANADIENS 1: 5 different players lit the lamp as the BlackHawks flew past the Habs 6-1. Tim Pettitt put extra pine tar on his wooden stick, scoring 2 for the winning side. Habs goalie Bruno Santonato, despite the loss, made a bunch of gymnastic-like saves to keep this one from getting out of control. James Shawn 007 added 4 apples for the Hawks.  

BRUINS 2 FLYERS 2: Wayne Sliwinski can sneak up on you like a fourth drink. He scored both goals as his bruins tied the Flyers 2-2 in front of a loud and boisterous Flyer crowd. Bruin goalie Tim Visser’s groin folded up like a Manitoba map, hope he is feeling better after a few soaks in the ice bath. For the Flyers, newcomer Steph Rioux and faceoff genius Jim Marentette scored to give their team a crucial point in the crowded standings. 

Masters Division: 

FLYERS 9 KINGS 0: The eggshells fell into the mixture as the Kings lost 9-0 to an overcaffeinated Flyer squad who were all over the damn puck all night long. 8 players scored, Pat Sergi is an early candidate for GM of the year. Fans went home happy and the Kings are expecting some different music next time out. It’s a long season fellas, this Kings team will be sniffing around all season long, you heard it here first.  

FLAMES 3 REDWINGS 1: Ted Marsalek ate up the RedWings and left no crumbs. His style of play in the crease reminds many of Flames great Mike Vernon. He socially distanced outside in the parking lot signing autographs for the kids before driving the team bus home.  

SHARKS 3 BRUINS 1: Al Angelone has homemade lasagna before the game. He couldn’t answer me when I asked him why the is a “g” in lasagna but anyways, the 29-year SCOHA veteran was a whirling dervish out there, scoring a pair in the Sharks 3-1 win over the Bruins. Bruins Terry “Hates to Lose” Hughes remained positive after the game when talking to reporters. He saw many good things out there. “Back to practice Monday, we will figure out what went wrong, no worries.”  

STARS 7 BLACKHAWKS 3: There’s a laundry list of accolades for Stars forward peter Subar. The kid is more dangerous than maverick on Top Gun. 3 goals and an assist as the Stars outshone the Hawks 7-3. The 50/50 draw got up to 8 bucks, someone went home a happy fan.  

Well that recaps opening weekend in Scohaville. Let’s thank the new kid at the timekeepers booth, Paul Cleary, who was clearly missed, we are all happy to see him at the rink!!! Also, thumbs up to terry and all the guys that got the season off the ground in little time. Everyone can’t be more thankful !!! 

Chris Marttila