This Week in SCOHA – March 11th, 2020

The playoffs are starting to separate the men from the boys as the round robin games are winding down. Some teams already have the golfclubs shined up while others are reaching their potential last game of the season. There are no Intermediate or Master’s games this weekend so the days will go by slower than a snail climbing a fence until next Sunday. It's good to hear injured players are doing ok, thanks for updating us, we all care...

Let’s unpeel the onion from the week that was in the booming metropolis of Scohaville.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

OILERS 6 BLACKHAWKS 2: Captain Steve Ditta great thing and scored a pair of goals as the Oilers shot down the Hawks 6-2 in an empty arena. Oilers also got two goals from Robb Moon who is playing out of this world lately. Let’s not forget Charlie Polizzi who set up a trio of goals for the winning side. Look out for the Oilers, folks, they mean business and are guzzling Red Bulls before the game for extra energy.

FLYERS 4 BRUINS 2: Flyers Michael Haslam slammed home 2 goals as the Flyers doubled up the Bruins 4-2. A penalty-filled game, this one showed that both teams wanted this win badly, it’s just too bad someone had to lose. Flyers had a sub in net for this game. Not a cold-cut combo with 2 stripes of mayo, a substitute goalie named Steve Cuthbert. Steve has circled the ranks of Scohaville, has always been at the top of goalie stats wherever he’s played, and will always stick around afterward with a cold beer and talk about the game. Five penalties cost the Bruins this game and their locker room afterward was not happy about the procedings.

REDWINGS 4 PENGUINS 1: Redwings dressing room was so happy they couldn’t feel their damn arms. What an all-round effort as they slid by the Penguins 4-1. Geoff Fitzgerald scored 2 sweet goals for the winners while Shawn Rafacz scored the lone goal for the Pens who ran out of ink midway through the 2nd period. It’s been a tough season for the Penguins who have been trying to fly the plane and rebuild it at the same time all year. They won’t give up, though, and promise a great game this Friday night.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

PENGUINS 3 BRUINS 1: Joe Millen skates like a damn deer out there. His one stride is 18 of the small guy from Fantasy Island. Two goals by Millen lifted the Penguins to a big 3-1 win over the Big Bad Bruins. Again, Steve Cuthbert put on a goaltending clinic, turning aide 34 shots for the victory and stuck around after to meet fans despite the corona scare. Bruins' Wayne Sliwinski scored a clapper from the slot for his team’s lone marker. Back to the drawing board for the B’s who will break out Tim Pettitt’s Betamax and go over some game film before their next game.

CANADIENS 6 FLYERS 2: Happy Groundhog Day, folks. Flyers lose 6-2. Lots of golf chatter in the Flyers locker room post game. Bill Foley scored 2 goals for the Habs, this is a recording.

LEAFS 3 BLACKHAWKS 3: Leafs Geoff Salvo tucked it upstairs where mama hides the Purell with only 56 seconds left to salvage the 3-3 draw against a determined Hawks club. 9 penalties were called as this game, reminded me of an early 80’s Flames vs Oilers battle. Blackhawks' sniper Conrad Hotrum displayed his rifle skills, scoring a dandy for the Hawks in a losing cause. The Leafs are using their youth and speed correctly, often wining hockey games on these merits alone. Their defence is like trying to skate around the cn tower, try it one day, tres imposibla…

MASTERS DIVISION:

FLAMES 8 BLACKHAWKS 0: Hawks got folded up like a New Brunswick map. John Jansen (jingle heimer smith) scored a natural hat trick while Larry Sipos dropped a deuce as the Flames won 8-0. My Proline ticket was in 38 pieces after the 3 minute mark, what was I thinking? The Hawks side of the gamesheet was pretty damn white, could’ve re-used it next time. All kidding aside, I have been on the receiving end of an ass-kicking like this (see Intermediate Flyers 2019-20 season). I feel for the Hawks, but these guys will come out next game and give it their all. I predict a Hawks win. 9 penalties in this game too, Fox40 is on line 3, they want to know if we need a new case of whistles.

BRUINS 11 REDWINGS 3: Holy bananas! Pretty rare when you read “see over” for the goals on the sheet. Troy from the magical island of Izlakar had 3 goals and his fellow caped crusader Peter Subar added a pair as the B’s steamrolled the Redwings 11-3. Bruins are rolling now and are taking no prisoners. Redwings were missing Danny Gabriele, who’s scoring touch is second to none. Wings game puck went to Mike Archer who scored a goal and added 2 apples in a losing cause.

SHARKS 8 FLYERS 4: Sharks' Danny DiGiacinto de Mayo had a game for the ages. 3 highlight reel goals lifted the Sharks to shore with an 8-4 triumph. Flyers' Dave Armstrong scored a pair but didn’t get his usual 84 goals and 73 assists. He will be seeking revenge next game, trust me folks. A disappointing night for Sharks' Larry Litzgus who could only muster 2 goals and one measly assist. If Sharks and Bruins meet in the finals I will bring extra Becel for the popcorn and I will pay for my whole seat but will only need the edge. These 2 teams are making other teams speed look as slow as the O.J. Bronco car chase for crying out loud.

KINGS 5 STARS 2: Kings John Annibale and Mark Shadwell both chipped in a pair as they ruined the view of the Stars with a 5-2 win. Stars' Bill Curran scored both goals for the Stars and received the game puck from player/coach Chris Barratto. Joe Locicero filled in for Richard Paquet in the Dallas net but the Kings were like CityTv... Everywhere, and deserved the victory. A somber Stars locker room after the game as they felt they let this one slip away. Kings' goaltender Scott Johnson credits wearing a bandana to the rink as his good luck charm. “It reminds me of Hulk Hogan, and he was a champion. I feel like the fans look up to me like the Hulkster, and that’s what it’s all about, the Scoha fans…”

While some teams quickly wash their hands from this past weekend’s action, others are getting ready for a tough week of practice and reviewing game film. The next game will either spell the end of another season or direct them to the semi finals where anything can happen. Crowds are getting bigger and the armchair critics upstairs at the bar are funnier than the 2 old guys up top on the Muppet Show. Let’s have a smooth last half of the week and just a reminder, there are no Intermediate and Masters games this weekend, just the Junior division on Friday night. 2-for-1 tickets are available at the Scoha box office or online.

Chris Marttila