This Week in SCOHA – December 28th, 2019

Well some players got the ultimate gift in a Peloton super exercise bike while others got the opposite: a soda pop machine and a 1 yard Mars bar. Those guys are dreading this weekend’s games, lugging around 8 extra pounds of Molson muscle mixed in with gravy and those tasteless small dinner rolls that go stale after 2 days. Anyways, let’s quickly unwrap last week’s SCOHA action from both end’s of the ice... Holiday Egg Nog Edition.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

BLACKHWAKS 6 FLYERS 2: 6 different players spread the Christmas joy as the Blackhawks trounced the Flyers 6-2 I front of 53 screaming kids as season ticket holders gave away their seats for this one game. This penalty filled affair was largely in part to many players that hadn’t even started their Christmas shopping yet. After the game, many players were seen at the nearby Shoppers Drug Mart loading up on gift cards and those licorice allsorts no one likes.

REDWINGS 2 BRUINS 0: Al Ringer recorded another shutout, his 3rd of the season. Talk about a work ethic that is exemplary from the others. I would trust this guy to walk my cat. Easily the best tendy so far this season. A solid 2-0 win thanks to a game winning goal by Yves “No miss” Bisson who is so patient with the puck. You’ll never find this guy opening the microwave a second early.

PENGUINS 6 OILERS 2: Huge 6-2 win for the Penguins over arch rival Oilers as Jeffrey Barry filled the net like Captain Highliner fills the net with cod. This guy plays like there’s 11 racoons stuck in the attic. He comes to the rink with his Philips hammer ready to work every week. His teammates presented him with the game puck after the game that went right on his mantle beside the photo of him and Gamgam at the church baking bizarre last Christmas.

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

LEAFS 3 CANADIENS 3: So 13 different players got points in this game. Scattered all over the place like a lego set on the basement floor. Eventually both teams skated back to their locker rooms with a point each. Leafs were short on guys as captain Paul Cleary was seen in the parking lot pre-game running a skills competition for anyone who got off the bus with a stick in their hand. Mike Miscio scored a highlight reel goal in the final period as he had all the time in the world, built a campfire in front of the Leaf net before burying it top shelf. Millions of Proline tickets were wripped up following this tie game. After the game, Canadien players held their annual Christmas Extravaganza. Once the dust settled, forward Steve Kivell was seen streaking down Upper James tossing chicken wings to the kids, a great holiday gesture.

BRUINS 5 PENGUINS 1: The Penguins puzzle was missing the corner piece as they struggled to find their scoring touch in a 5-1 loss to the Bruins. Dino Giudice scored a pair while captain Wayne Sliwinski chipped in with a goal and 2 assists for the winners. After the game, both teams joined the hundreds of other Scohaians up at the bar for some holiday cheer. Bruins Tim Pettitt admitted he is actually the Limeridge Mall Santa, this a sore right knee he has been playing through all month.

FLYERS 4 BLACKHAWKS 2: No this isn’t a typo, the Flyers won. Jason “Don’t call me Dustin” Hoffman fired home a pair of snipes while some Chris Marttila guy set up 2 as the Flyers ended a 48 game winless drought as the Flyers doubled up the Hawks 4-2. The Hotrum twins scored for the Hawks after their family Christmas party the night before seemed to affect their game. Conrad Hotrum was tagged in a few Facebook posts after he poured the chip dip on his head for a second straight year.

MASTERS DIVISION:

SHARKS 8 FLYERS 7: The Flyers got their Big Wheel back in the race as star forward Dave Armstrong laced up his twirlers and returned to the lineup. He scored 4 goals and added 2 assists but the Sharks found a way to win this slugfest, 8-7. No idea who #87 was for the Sharks (not on game sheet) but he played a hell of a game, scoring a hatty and adding a helper for the winners. Flyers Kelly Rintjema had a large triple triple before the game, went out there and recorded 2 goals and 2 assists in a losing cause. Arena staff are still trying to scrape Sharks forward Ron Cooper off the ceiling after his celly following his first period goal. Great game for the fans but both teams were discussing defensive play after the game. The timekeeper is looking for a pen refill after this one…. Welcome back, Dave!

BRUINS 3 KINGS 2: Gerry Hass is a motivational speaker in Bruins locker room. How does this guy parcel the energy each week? If it was raining soup outside he would be standing there with a fork in his hand he is such a hard worker. His selection of 70’s hits are second to none on the team cassette player before every game. Hass scored the eventual game winner as the Bruins squeaked out a 3-2 win for their fans. #44 on the Kings wasn’t on the game sheet but holy moly… 2 minor penalties along with 2 goals made him the Kings star of the game.

STARS 4 BLACKHAWKS 0: This Stars team is something special. Missing 5 guys, were called for 5 minor penalties and still came out with a 4-0 win. Let’s pause and talk about Pat McKenna. This guy knows the next play, he sits on it like a fat kid sits on his little brother. Tonight, he scored a beauty and helped out on 2 others as his team skated into the Christmas season with the big win. Last minute callup Ed Walton skated like a deer out there. This guy doesn’t need Redbulls or Monster energy drinks, saves his change for more important things like the extra large 4 load washing machine for just 3 pairs of Wrangler jeans and a tank top.

REDWINGS 3 FLAMES 1: I’ve been sitting on this one-liner for a few weeks: The Redwings extinguished the Flames 3-1. John Hewitt dropped a deuce for the winners while Rob Frith replied for the Flames. Legions of Redwings fans bused in from Windsor to see this one. Ed Mooney was lights out in the Redwing crease. Flames needed to lawyer up after the game, they were robbed. A watershed moment after the game as Wings captain Terry Gudgeon spoke of the large contingent of fans who traveled to see their team play. Fans are pumped for the new year and what more this team can do. Wiley veterans like Gudgeon, Ed Walton and Max “Pepperoni” Pizzingrilli are focused on winning the cup and anything less will be a failure.

Well it’s 4:09am and this slugger needs to wrap up this edition of the blog. This weekend will be one for the ages. Every point starts to become more crucial as we enter the unofficial second half of the season. Hope everyone had a great Christmas, see y’all this weekend.

Chris Marttila