This Week in SCHOHA- December 12th, 2019

Well fellas, we are plowing through the holiday season without any major incidents so far. Ed Walton’s tree has fallen down twice but he will realize soon enough that he needs a tree stand to make it stay upright. Junior Division teams had the week off so they are all chored out and ready to lace up their twirlers again this upcoming weekend. Let’s put a bow on the past week that was in Scoha City.

JUNIOR DIVISION:

No Games Played, hockey bags still haven’t been unzipped for airing out….

INTERMEDIATE DIVISION:

CANADIENS 2 BRUINS 2: The Canadiens drink espresso before their games, I smelled it. Yves Bisson credits his great season so far to double-dipping a chocolate biscotti into his cup of extreme joe. This time out, Les Canadiens played une tres good game with a 2-2 tie against the big bad Bruins. Bruins Tim Pettitt scored the game tying goal with half the crowd already scraping the ice off their windshields to preserve the point for a surging Bruin club. Rob “Holiday” Train also tallied for the B’s while the Habs got goals from Jason Beaulieu and Fred Medeiros.

LEAFS 4 FLYERS 2: The Flyers continued their non-winning ways with a close 4-2 loss to the Leafs. Four different Leaf scorers found the net as they must have had a camera man in the crowd the previous week stealing game signals and plays from the Flyers bench chalkboard. A full league investigation is pending…. Flyers are blaming their past defeats to the start of cold and flu season and have started making tea through their underwear to get through this dismal season.

BLACKHAWKS 4 PENGUINS 3: Missing a few key players, the Blackhawks utilized a callup, Dino LaPorta to put a cap on the Pens 4-3 in front of a boisterous crowd of 3. LaPorta scored a hatty and added an apple for the winners who have points in 3 out of 4 games now since they wet the bed for the first 9 games of the season. Give credit where credit is due, they are sticking to their game plan and refuse to give up each week. Jeff Davis had a can of pop before the game and went out there and set up 3 goals for the Hawks. Penguins got a pair of beauts from Bob Tenison, this is a recording…..

MASTERS DIVISION:

SHARKS 6 BLACKHAWKS 1: Guy “Remington” Shaver was fully charged up and he left plenty of stubble in the sink for the next person to clean as the Sharks trounced the Hawks 6-1 on Jim Albanese bobble head night down at the rink. First 1,000 adoring fans got to take home this collectors item that Jim hand signed prior to puck drop. He even went out there and scored a highlight reel goal that will definitely make this weeks SCOHA Top 10 on Sportscentre. Nick “Miscellaneous” Misconi also added a pair of goals for the Sharks who waiting to bite anyone that goes by for the rest of the season.

STARS 2 BRUINS 0: The mighty have fallen!!! Richard Paquet notched the 46-save shutout as the Stars shone bright like a diamond, a big 2-0 win over the league leaders. Scott Wheeler kept on truckin’ with the game winner while spare player Peter “everyone’s biggest” Fantauzzo added another. The Stars were missing 6 regulars from their lineup but a loud pre-game pep talk from veteran captain Chris Baratto, smashing his stick over the locker room sink starting a major flood, but still.. it proved to help his team. Huge win for the Stars as they continue to find ways to fill the net.

FLAMES 4 FLYERS 0: Flames goaltender Ted Marsalek made a Marsalek salad and tossed in a few croutons for good measure as the Flames simply burned out the Flyers 4-0. John Jansen (Jingle-Heimer Smith) scored 2 picturesque goals that has over 500,000 hits on Youtube to secure the shutout win for the Flames. They have points in 4 straight games and are rolling now with flame-throwers in their hands. Marc Verrier, since cranking pre-game music into his team’s ears, has his team eying the championship trophy. Several contracts are up at year’s end and he figures they will re-sign after winning it all. After a solid previous week, the Flyers just couldn’t find a way to win on this night. The Flames found some cracks in the Flyers armour, give them every ounce of credit.

KINGS 4 REDWINGS 2: Gary “No Guff” Guthro scored the first 2 goals of the game and goalkeeper Scott “Magic” Johnson turned away 26 shots as the Kings topped the Redwings 5-2. Munish Baranowski re-taped his stick then went out there and scored a goal that made twitter explode. John Hewitt and Ed “Shaky” Walton scored for the Redwings who continue to battle every week. I have a good feeling about this Redwings team. After Christmas, these guys are going to pull together a winning streak and get back into the talk as favourites, you heard it here folks. Team captain Terry Gudgeon has a shot harder than a fully-operational death star. His tireless work ethic can only benefit the newcomers of this league.

Well that seals the envelope on another week. This weekend will see the usual players saunter into the dressing room with a minute left and a flood. The beer guy better remember to bring ice and hey, remember to ask for bacon on your pizza upstairs for a couple bucks. You will have more gas than Petro Canada the next morning but bacon is better on everything…  Enjoy the rest of the week, gang!

Chris Marttila