This Week in SCOHA – October 4th, 2022

Hey folks, I spoke to a fellow Scohaian on Sunday and we were saying how good it feels to be back for winter hockey. He then added that when the start of hockey comes, the wives’ favourite time of year starts with the Hallmark Christmas movie commercials in full swing. While we are at the rink, we will all miss those repetitive storylines of a marketing executive who hates Christmas but goes home and meets a man at the Christmas tree lot that challenges her beliefs, sees the joy of the season and falls in love with said man then gives up her city life to get married to him and stay in the small town. Meanwhile, us guys are trying to figure out who sits a shift when 7 damn forwards show up!

Let’s unmask the week that was in Scohaville……

UNITED DIVISION:

FLYERS 4 CANADIENS 2: Well the Haslam Globetrotter tours rolls along, this stop was against the Habs. Mike and Ryan Haslam both scored a pair as the Flyers soared past Les Canadiens 4-2. Mike Haslam, the dad, has a hockey prowess that certainly trickles down to son’s Ryan and Brent. Up at the lounge after the game, they all share similar appreciation for bacon pizza even though they left with 3 slices untouched but who’s keeping score… the Canadiens scored two goals on the powerplay, a good thing to take away from the loss. Watch out for this Canadiens team, they have lifted the cup more than once and their confidence is growing like Pinocchio’s nose from telling lies…

OILERS 6 SHARKS 4: oilers coach/gm Jason “don’t call me Hugh” Hoffman chugged two cans of Redbull before hopping on the ice and it showed. He had a hatty and added a helper as the Oilers won a greasy one, 6-4 over the Sharks. Justin “wheels” Whitwell was all over the place like a tornado in a trailer park, scoring two goals and adding an apple for good measure. Sharks, despite the loss, are starting to play as a team and are adapting to Fudge’s game plan. Pretty much a new lineup just waiting to string a few wins together to stay with the pack. They will be fine.

BRUINS 4 BLACKHAWKS 1: Bruins’ Brock Hotrum waited until the last 5 minutes of the game to turn it up to 11. His three goals sealed the deal in a 4-1 victory against those pesky Hawks. Ryan “hydro” Bili scored the lone goal for the losing side, who all went back to the room a bit disappointed they let this game get away late. “This was the Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week”, said Hawks captain and gm Paul McGraw. He kept his players on the ice after the buzzer and bag-skated them until the Zamboni driver honked the horn to get off.

MASTERS DIVISION:

FLAMES 3 REDWINGS 1: Flames all-star forward Ghislain Piche spent the off-season on a Peleton bike half submerged in the shallow end of his pool. His calves now look like an upside-down tennis racket but it was all worth it. This guy doesn’t have a slow speed (bad bike pun). He scored a pair of big goals as the Flames burnt out the Redwings 3-1. Redwings’ Scott “extra value big” Maki scored the lone goal for the Wings. I spoke to a disappointed Ed Walton in the lobby after the game and the beacon of stability said his team owes it to the fans to come back next week with a win. I am predicting a Redwings victory next time out, you heard it here first.

BLACKHAWKS 3 PENGUINS 2

8-time all star Dave Langille wore a tasteful tube top all summer after he changed personal trainers to get an edge on the opposition out there. He added more core muscle and it’s evident on the ice so far this season. Dave scored 2 goals, including the eventual gam winner as the Hawks slid by the Penguins 3-2. Larry “ballroom” Litzgus also scored for the winners and is also having a great start to the winter season.

FLYERS 8 SHARKS 4: the Sharks were without newcomer John “Rocket Man” Elter for this one. I will call him Elter John if it’s ok with you. His back feels like the big globe at the end of Woodward Avenue rolled over it and will be week-to-week. Future hall of famer Dave Armstrong fired home 3 goals and added a pair of assists for the winners. It is impossible to play against this guy. Goalies need a carton of Marlboros and a pillow to yell in after a long night trying to stop his shot. Did anyone see Frank “Storm” Sergi’s goal? Might possibly be the goal of the year and we are only 2 weeks into the damn thing. Hope next time the Flyers can write the goalie’s name on the sheet, that would be pretty cool.

STARS 5 BRUINS 3: Stars Andy Rossit have a motor on his skates? This guy could’ve stayed on the ice the whole game if they let him. He scored the game winner and took the game puck home for the dog to play with as the Stars aligned the Bruins 5-3 in front of sellout crowd of 4. Staff took a lot of the leftover popcorn home and are still picking that shell part out of their teeth as we speak. Steve “around the’ Horner scored both the Bruins goals on this night. He did everything but grab the shovel and scoop up the leftover Zamboni snow at the far end, lemme tell ya. Bruins’ Tim Manning got to know the timekeeper pretty well after being sent off twice for hooking infractions. His teammates have already started calling him Dr. Hook. Talked to the legendary Gord Bryce afterwards and he said he wanted to hold this loss underwater until the bubbles stop. His team will look to get back in the win column next time out, don’t you worry about that…

Well that about wraps up things from this end of the ice. Make sure to check out some united Division action Friday night on cable 14. The whole SCOHA executive team want to wish you and your families a Happy Thanksgiving. Cheers fellas.

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blog and Stats Guy