This Week in SCOHA – February 19th, 2020

Shoveling sand at the swim-up bar

For the Masters Division, the 2nd season starts this weekend. The other 2 divisions wrap up regular play this weekend to solidify their positions in the standings. I will be busy shoveling sand for a week in the sun but will anxiously await the results poolside…. Let’s unpeel the onion from last weeks action down at the Mohawk Quad so we can all get a good night’s sleep tonight.


OILERS 5 BRUINS 1: Oilers needed the gang from CSI to figure out where all their players were. 5 players were AWOL on a night where love must’ve been in the air for Valentine’s Day. That didn’t put a damper on their efforts though as they skated to a 5-1 win over their arch rival Bruins. Robb “cow jumped over the” Moon put an arrow through the hearts of Bruins fans with a 2 goal performance for the Oil. Bruins John Spatazzo flipped over the puck into the net for the Bruins for their lone goal.

BLACKHAWKS 7 PENGUINS 1: Hawks Ron Cybalski didn’t show any love as he scored 3 goals as the Hawks folded up the Pens like a paper airplane 7-1, showing all SCOHA fans that they mean business as the playoffs approach. Ron’s brother Dennis ain’t no slouch either, scoring a goal and adding 3 apples to his cart. The Penguins are struggling but half the fun is a good locker room and they certainly have that.

FLYERS 3 REDWINGS 1: Big win for the Flyers who reverted back to their stingy defensive style of play. Ryan Haslam dropped a deuce for the Flyers as they beat a depleted Redwing lineup who’s wives said if they went to hockey on Valentine’s, don’t bother coming up to bed when they got home. Good call, fellas…..


BLACKHAWKS 4 BRUINS 3: Good grief, this game cost me my Proline ticket and I am not happy. Conrad Hotrum went end to end and scored the eventual game winner with 6 minutes left to seal the deal for the Hawks. These guys are started to get their stride at just the right time. I am predicting a few upsets in the playoffs if they keep this up, you heard it here first. Hawks goalie Bruno “Carlos” Santanato played all the right songs on this night, making 43 saves for the big win. Bruins Kevin Feist pumped home a goal of the year candidate for the B’s in a losing cause.

PENGUINS 3 LEAFS 2: Penguins Mark Walton scored a beaut with a minute left as the Penguins slid by the Leafs 3-2. What a game by Penguins Michael “Haagen” Hawes, a gritty 2 way player who never calls a plumber, he unclogs toilets with his bare hands and fixes flat tires with his teeth. He had a key assist on the Pens 2nd goal that looked like a Jari Kurri saucer pass over to Gretz.

CANADIENS 6 FLYERS 2: The Habs are running straight through the drywall as the playoffs arrive soon. Another win, this time 6-2 over the summer 2020 draft-ready Flyers. This Flyers team has been drinking out of a coffee cup with a hole on the bottom all season but don’t let these guys fool you come playoff time. Anything can happen, fellas… 6 different players lit the lamp for the Canadiens as player/coach Mike Miscio continued to rehab a shoulder injury on the sidelines.


SHARKS 9 FLYERS 2: Must be something in the water bottles over in the Sharks dressing room. These guys turned their season around about the halfway point and are in cruise control now. They are my pick to lift the championship trophy at the end, $8 says so…. Larry Litzgus is a lithium battery out there. More tricks than that Copperfield chap out there, scoring another hatty to lead the way for the Sharks who infested the Flyers waters on this night. Guy “Remington” Shaver offered to clean up the stubble, scoring a pair and adding a few assists for good measure. A clean cut victory for the Shark, that’s fo’ sure…

BRUINS 8 KINGS 2: A lot of lopsided wins was this weeks soup of the day as the Bruins folded up the Kings like a used picnic blanket 8-2. Scorekeeper requested a new pen after the end of the first period. Troy “from the land of” Izlakar found the net twice, so did Peter “12 string” Subar. Bruins continue to roll out the hits, just like those Eagles guys, and will be a force come playoff time. J.J. MacNeil will have to continue to stand on his ear lobes in the nets and the fans will have to keep coming out in droves for this Bruin squad.

BLACKHAWKS 3 STARS 1: Talk about a huge win for the Hawks! The defensive-minded Hawks pulled off a big 3-1 win to hopefully get the wheels in motion as playoffs start this weekend for the Masters heroes. Coach and GM Bill Kircos was smiling like he slept with a clothes hanger in his mouth after the game while he spoke to the media. He is guaranteeing a victory this Sunday or he will chug a beer in the locker room during the post-game scrum.

REDWINGS 4 FLAMES 4: Anyone catch this game? More twists and turns than an episode of Guiding Light for crying out loud. Hopefully the Redwings plane is back in the air after this hard-fought 4-4 tie with the Flames. Wings Captain Terry Gudgeon had a player’s only meeting before the game that seemed to energize his team but he didn’t have to tip over the garbage can in the process. This Redwings team was in good spirits afterwards and that was good news for reporters who were allowed in to the room for a few pints for a reduced rate.

Well that’s all from this end of the ice. Good luck to the Masters teams who open up playoffs this weekend. I will be enjoying a few ice cold Canardly’s (canardly wait for another) at the swim up bar in the sun so we will see everyone next week… Keep your damn stick on the ice.

Chris Marttila

Stoney Creek Oldtimers Hockey Association